Someone wanted me to post explainin my reps in this thread so here I am. I get these people are just poking fun at you nate but I don't think you should have to take this shit in this thread. I have attempted (although failed) to help you a bit in the past so I still wish you good will but don't be too hard on yourself. You have definitely recognized an important part of yourself and rei still has the most useful post in this thread, per usual, so listen to him.
Maybe it isn't my place to speak in regards to your situation since we were never really friends etc. but I wanna let you know if you want someone to talk to I am here.