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post and I'll make up a childhood story for you

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»CheyMcFly    4637

pls give me a happy one

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k

 

Axle: Mom, all I want for christmas is a Nintendo 64.

Mom: Axle, we are homeless, we don’t even have a TV.

Dad: Why the fuck did we name our kid Axle?

 

 

bring it arrogance

 

It was a windy autumn afternoon. 5 year-old Paraliel gripped his mothers hand tightly as they walked home from pre-school. They passed a bickering homeless family on the street.

Frightened by the sight, he hugged his mother’s leg, pressing his face firmly against her womb. Unbeknownst to him, she had conceived his younger brother not 20 minutes earlier. “Dad came home from work early today” she said, “Let’s surprise him with a pizza.”

 

 

go for it

 

Papa’s Pizza had been around for 35 years. A family run establishment, papasmurfkof’s dad took over the business at the age of 17. “You don’t need no fancy degree to make money” he said.

Sometimes, he’d let papasmurfkof lick the leftover sauce out of the bowl at the end of the night - a disgusting yet fond memory.

Papa was a raging alcoholic who abused his wife (sorry). Because of this, papasmurf didn’t have much respect for his teachers or women in general. One morning, in the 5th grade, before Mrs. Goldschmidt came in, he put a thumbtack on her chair.

 

 

Yes.

 

“Who did this!?” Mrs. Goldschmidt shrieked, holding a silver thumbtack in the air while rubbing her sore hiney.

Silence.

 

“I’ll get to the bottom of this!” Mrs. Goldschmidt stormed out of the room.

“If any pinhead rats on me, I’ll give them a knuckle sandwich” papasmurfkof threatened.

Dark B looked away. He didn’t want anything to do with this issue and would much rather be playing his Nintendo 64.

A few moments later, Principal Woodbury came in. “Alright, I’m going to bring each of you in one by one for questioning. Dark B, come with me.”

 

Dark B sighed, being the only black kid in his class; he knew where this was going.

 

The walls in Mr. Woodbury’s office were cluttered with certificates and fishing pictures. It was hard to imagine him having a life outside of this school. Dark B imagined Mr. Woodbury simply sitting at his desk over the weekend with the lights off. Waiting.

Principal Woodbury stared Dark B straight in the eyes. “Alright, look, you’re a great kid and I know you didn’t do it but after discussing with the other teachers at the school, we wanted to ask you if you’d like to be Jesus in the school play.”

 

 

Hi

 

Being the prettiest girl in school, it was a granted that Robyn would get the role of Mary in the school play. She had hit puberty earlier than the other girls, so her breasts were significantly larger than anyone else in the school - which caused a great deal of confusion for her, since she wasn’t used to this much attention. Robyn didn't mind. She had a dream of being a famous actress, so she could get all the help she could get. The night of the play, she stuffed her bra with tissues, to make them look even larger.

Maybe a talent scout will see me here and I will be famous! She thought to herself.

They got to the Stations of the Cross scene in the play where Jesus sees his mother for the last time. Jesus was some black 5th grader in a torn pair of gym shorts whom she had never met before.

“My Son… Why do you suffer for us!?” she wept. Her acting was very believable. She threw her arms around her child, the son of Christ, moments before his death.

In front of 300 people, Jesus grabbed her boob.

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chey and traybon and any others, I'll get to you later, my brain is tired

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»PSK    4451

Papa was a raging alcoholic who abused his wife (sorry).

 

Wow hate on the Irish guy. 

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+Urthor    10230

no, it won't be

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I got the short straw for my childhood :(

you'll make a guest appearance in another story!

 

honestly, I see this rapidly turning into some bizarre dgz fanfiction and that thought concerns me

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Papa was a raging alcoholic who abused his wife (sorry).

 

Wow hate on the Irish guy. 

 

he owns a pizza place

 

sorry didn't know you were irish

 

is dark b even black? 

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»PSK    4451

Lmao it's cool I was only messing. I wish I was Italian-Irish to make it even worse :( 

 

No idea if he is or not. Let's hope he is to make the story more exciting and realistic. 

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loooll aaaaaaand on that note

 

 

pls give me a happy one

 

no, it won't be

 

Pls exclude the Zimmerman part

 

Chey is a 6 year old playing with her dolls on her bed. However her brother, rei, frequently told her  that one day she would inherit his powers. Rei’s powers have been slowly waning as a destructive presence crippled his sensitive wrists. “Chey, you are the one to bring forth a revolucion!” he would say. “Why me?” She thought to herself, When will I know when the time comes?

“Soon there will rise a new…. Administrator” said rei.

Suddenly there was a bright flash followed by an explosion in her bedroom. A burly 27 year old man wearing nothing but combat boots, camo pants and a black vest emerged from a futuristic device. He is drenched in sweat and blood with a freshly lit cigarette hanging from his mouth. “My name is Urthor Goldschmidt. I come from the future to destroy my mother’s murderer. She contracted HIV after sitting on a thumbtack in 1998. I’ve lost my mod privileges and Chey, I need your help to bring the culprit to justice.”

“O-Chey, I’ll help you find him. I have an extra bike in the garage.”

The two bike around the neighbourhood looking for the culprit when they see a young boy wearing a hoodie eating a bag of skittles. “Even though he’s black, he probably is a great person. He probably didn’t do it. Besides, in reality, I bet he’s just some white kid who lives in wisconsin” remarked Urthor, and at that the unlikely duo biked out of the suburbs and into the dark city.

At this point, Chey became slightly concerned. The sun was setting, and she was on her way with a sweaty Australian from the future to murder a young child. Her mom didn’t let her stay out past 6:30 pm so she’d probably get punished by getting no dinner tonight and no TV for a week.

Chey had heard rumours of a rowdy group of 6th graders known as “The Biki Bikers” who harassed children out on the streets after dark. She just hoped Urthor was as abrasive as he seemed otherwise the two might be in some big doodie.

And then Chey heard a faint noise. At first indiscernible, but then unmistakable. Her ears couldn't decieve her. Chey heard the noise of three large plastic wheels rolling up behind her…

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»CheyMcFly    4637
Lmfao that's great
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hello :)

 

hi

 

I got the short straw for my childhood :(

 

<

 

4 Hours Earlier

 

papasmurfkof triumphantly walked home from school. That was a close call back there, he thought to himself. no one suspected a thing.

Principal Woodbury had interrogated every classmate thoroughly, however papasmurfkof used WIFOM tactics to force a mislynch and he escaped completely unscathed. 

 

"Hey, we saw what you did back there" came a voice from behind him. Suddenly, two cyclists zoomed past papasmurf and began circling around him, tighter, tighter and tighter. The first had a very scummy aura around him. Just one look at him would chill you to the bone. The second was a smaller boy with glasses and an adorable smile only a mother could love. He could be mistaken for an elderly woman if you forgot to put your contacts on in the morning. He just had one of those faces.

 

"I know you, you guys are those 6th graders, Wry9 and CellarDoor."

"Yup." said Wry. "I gotta admit, you have some serious balls putting that tack on Mrs. Goldschmidt's chair. Don't think these things go unnoticed. I lurk a lot."

"Who are you?" asked papasmurf

"We are...... the Biki Biker Gang!" cried Wry9

"Peeewww Peeewww Peeeww" cried cellardoor "Peeew Peeeww"

"Biki sent us to collect you." papasmurf didn't like the use of the word "collect", but he let it slide.

"He wants you for our gang." said Wry. 

"Do you have a bike." said Cellardoor.

"it's at my dad's pizza shop"

"k"

 

so they went to the pizzaria, collected his bike

 

"hey son, I've decided to break ethnic stereotypes and turn my life around. I've sworn off alcohol for good! I'm a changed man!" exclaimed papasmurfs dad.

"That's great dad! Welp, I'm off to play with my friends, see ya later!"

And off rode the trio to meet biki and cause mayhem among the civilians

 

...

 

Chey began to get nervous. "Urthor, I think we're being followed." The two stopped and turned around to be face to face with 4 6th graders (scary) wearing yellow T-shirts with pink felt letters B-I-K-I sewed onto them.

"W-w-w-we are the b-b-b-b-biki biker gang." stumbled papasmurf nervously.

 

"We bike the streets at night!"
"To fill the kids with fright!"

"It's our deepest delight"

"We're the biki biker gang!"

"peew peww peeww peeww"

 

"Ur-Urthor...I think we should get out of here." Chey began slowly backing away.

"No, Chey, I think the culprit is among them. And besides, they must be punished for their actions. Besides, that kid with the glasses doesn't even look that intimidating."

"There's a reason they call me CellarDoor", he replied MENACINGLY.

 

"Please, Urthor," chey pleaded, "let's just leave before they start singing again"

 

"You're gonna regret messing with the biki biker gang!" yelled biki. Give us your lunch money!"

 

"Urthor lets leave!" chey cried, and with that, she took off right back towards her home. "Chey!" Urthor followed with the biki biker gang close on their tails.

"You can't escapt from biki!" cried biki!

"peww peeww" yelled Cellardoor

 

papasmurf pulled a handful of thumbtacks out of his pocket and threw them ahead. Chey barely escapes their range, however Urthor falls victim to the dastardly trick. His barbie bike spins wildly out of control and he crashes into a garbage can. Chey slams on the brakes and turns around just as the biki biker gang circles around Urthor.

"Chey, I think this is the end of my time here. I have just enough power to use my final attack, but then I'll disappear forever. It's up to you to finish the job."

 

"What's he talking about?" yelled cellardoor

"I don't biki-believe it!" cried biki

 

and with that, Urthor put his phone in his pocket, suspending biki and wry. A vortex emerges between biki, wry and urthor, sucking them into it.

"Don't fail me chey..." groaned Urthor 

"I'llllll bikiiii baaaaccckkkk" biki screamed. 

And the vortex closed forever. 

 

Suddently, something clicked. Thumbtacks. "You're the one who put a tack on Mrs. Goldschmidt's chair!" accused Chey. "I can't let you get away!"

"So what if I did?" retorted papasmurf, "there's two of us and one of you!"

"nanna nanna poo poo" cellardoor chimed.

 

The two remaining biki bikers chase chey down. She swerves down roads, trying to escape papasmurf and cellardoor, but anyone can tell that they were slowly gaining on her. Chey zoomed through an intersection, the two angry children right behind. A minivan pulls through the intersection and WHAM, cellardoor smashes right into the side. The family takes cellardoor to the hospital and eventually they actually wind up adopting him and he lived a very happy life with the family from that day forward. unfortunately, Papasmurfkof did not get adopted and was right on chey's tail instead.

 

Chey was running out of ideas. My dad will know what to do she thought. All I have to do is get home.

One block away. She can just barely make out the lights of her house out in the distance. But it wasn't enough. papasmurf catches up to her and they crash into the front bushes of Robyn's yard. 

 

I was so close... Daddy... help me... these would have been chey's last thoughts had it not been for what happened next

 

"Chey?" came a voice from the adjacent bush. "Who could that be?" remarked papasmurf. And none other than Principal Woodbury emerged with a pair of binoculars. "Daddy?" asked Chey, "What are you doing over here with those binoculars?"

 

"Never mind me, what are you two doing!?"

 

And so she explained everything and Principal Woodbury/Daddy was very frustrated. "I'm going to suspend you for your actions." So he took papasmurf back to the pizzeria where Mr. Papa was closing down the shop.

 

"Christ, you're the reason why I can't put down the bottle!" exclaimed Papasmurf's dad. "I bought you a brand new tv and nintendo 64 to show you how much i love you but now that I hate you I'm just going to throw it away in the trash can outside next to that homeless family, because god only knows they'll probably appreciate it more than you."

 

papasmurf was sad 

 

"Thanks for bringing my son back, principal woodbury." said papas dad "Wanna lick the sauce out of the bowl?"

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Dawgy    2039

I'm intrigued.
 

This thread has potential. =]

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»CheyMcFly    4637
You're brilliant.

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