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SOLVED - When to tell someone you love them (Not until you mean it)

223 posts in this topic

yes

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Ok so if you haven't asked her out yet don't tell her you love her until you've asked her out. It scares girls off and can come across as creepy.

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i can't believe you haven't said it yet

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no but in all seriousness, just go for it. You might fuck everything up but it really won't be the end of the world. If you put women and other things you want too high on a pedestal, you'll become too afraid to go after them and be a lot more disappointed in your life. Just go for it!

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so much information needed:

how often did you hang out; was this online or irl?

did you like her before you started hanging out with her?

have you ever said no to anything she asked for or have you always been there for her when she needed you?

has she been in a relationship whilst you were getting to know her or had she separated from someone just before you started hanging out with her?

why do you like her?

why do you think your in love with her?

how do you know her?

how old are you both?

has she had many relationships in the past?

have there ever been any serious intimate times between you two?

when you hang out is it in a group or do you 2 hang out a lot just you two?

ill leave it at that for now but include anymore information that you feel is needed, by the way this isn't a troll this information should be answered before a good answer can be given. But from a quick glance from whats been given and the fact you've never had a girlfriend is: your not in love with her the most it is, is an infatuation for her or being with her. the fact you've known about her for so long is irrelevant but the fact that you've been hanging out with her for so long means that you haven't had the courage to tell her what you were thinking from the first place and that you obviously didn't find out much about her until recently because she know probably feels comfortable with you as a friend. You should of ideally gone in from the start stated you liked her; nothing more as you cant properly know them at this point other than the fact that you are attracted to them and like the first impressions she made on you and that you would like to go out sometime to get to know her better. When you try and become friends with them first before spewing out all the crap which youve been holding for so long with her being oblivious to everything just shows that you cant be honest with her straight up and you have to trick them into it before you can take the leap which doesnt show confidence and can also make them feel lied to. Obviously this isnt always the case and you can start dating girls you were close friends to etc but a lot of girls ive dated/ hung out with have stated this same thing to me over and over again.

 

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I should but I also think it might be a bit early. Because asking them too early and then coming off as creepy is very real

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so much information needed:

how often did you hang out; was this online or irl?

did you like her before you started hanging out with her?

have you ever said no to anything she asked for or have you always been there for her when she needed you?

has she been in a relationship whilst you were getting to know her or had she separated from someone just before you started hanging out with her?

why do you like her?

why do you think your in love with her?

how do you know her?

how old are you both?

has she had many relationships in the past?

have there ever been any serious intimate times between you two?

when you hang out is it in a group or do you 2 hang out a lot just you two?

ill leave it at that for now but include anymore information that you feel is needed, by the way this isn't a troll this information should be answered before a good answer can be given. But from a quick glance from whats been given and the fact you've never had a girlfriend is: your not in love with her the most it is, is an infatuation for her or being with her. the fact you've known about her for so long is irrelevant but the fact that you've been hanging out with her for so long means that you haven't had the courage to tell her what you were thinking from the first place and that you obviously didn't find out much about her until recently because she know probably feels comfortable with you as a friend. You should of ideally gone in from the start stated you liked her; nothing more as you cant properly know them at this point other than the fact that you are attracted to them and like the first impressions she made on you and that you would like to go out sometime to get to know her better. When you try and become friends with them first before spewing out all the crap which youve been holding for so long with her being oblivious to everything just shows that you cant be honest with her straight up and you have to trick them into it before you can take the leap which doesnt show confidence and can also make them feel lied to. Obviously this isnt always the case and you can start dating girls you were close friends to etc but a lot of girls ive dated/ hung out with have stated this same thing to me over and over again.

 


how often did you hang out; was this online or irl?
irl (we chat online but hang outs are irl)
 
did you like her before you started hanging out with her?
no before that we were just friends which is why I think this is serious
 
have you ever said no to anything she asked for or have you always been there for her when she needed you?
No. Basically never. I've always been there and I even offered to get her bubble tea once (but she said no. Come to think of it I really should have just pushed it through, oh well there's always a next time).

has she been in a relationship whilst you were getting to know her or had she separated from someone just before you started hanging out with her?
No she hasn't been in one before afaik. 
 
why do you like her?
it comes naturally i guess...
 
why do you think your in love with her?
it comes naturally i guess...
 
how do you know her?
school
 
how old are you both?
16 (im older than her by 3 months)
 
has she had many relationships in the past?
nope
 
have there ever been any serious intimate times between you two?
kind of..? (she said she was cold the other day and then grabbed my hand)
 
when you hang out is it in a group or do you 2 hang out a lot just you two?
just us
 
 
One important piece of info that's left out that is crucial though: some of her friends don't like me. That definitely could work against me. However it's just a few. Nonetheless it can still work against me tbh.
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u just kinda know when it's the right time. if you have to ask - it is not the right time

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I should but I also think it might be a bit early. Because asking them too early and then coming off as creepy is very real


I'm assuming this isn't aimed at me but just in case you should not be saying it right now, i wouldn't even be thinking about saying it until you've asked her out and gone on a few dates or hung out a lot more whilst dating or whatever, otherwise it will seem very awkward for her and will cause a lot of tension that has no place being there.

Ok from the get go I can say its actually a good thing that your both this young, Although it will be a problem for the fact that you have 0 experience but its also the easiest time as she has no experience either so will be easily impressed. and the fact you hang out a lot just the two of you is a good thing, without you knowing she could of easily of thought about you in a partner way already.

Another question, has she ever came to you and talked to you about other guys and what she thinks about them?

I wouldn't read much into the hand grab thing unless there's a lot more to it, it could be easily construed as a friendly thing so i would give that as a pass atm. The fact that it came from a friendship thing makes it a bit easier. Just explain everything properly and tell her that even though you started out like friends that she has started to grow on you on a deeper level and that you would like to try and go on a date with her and see where it goes. It can be more awkward seeming that you are friends if it doesn't work out well as most girls i try date i don't really know and i give them the whole i'm down to hang out and date sort of thing but i;m not really looking for a friendship unless I've already decided so in my mind sort of thing. but i would still go for it, otherwise it will be constantly in your mind and will never come to anything which is worse than getting rejected.

Also don't worry too much about the other friends not liking you, it may seem like such a task but if you don't react to it that badly then it will all be fine, like don't ignore them but swing it around into banter on the odd occasion or whatever and it wont be that big of a deal.

Question: are you there to help out any of your close friends or do you treat her specially? the not saying no to her often isn't a bad thing if your seen as a guy who helps most people but if you treat her specially it maybe more obvious than you think which could lead to her knowing and thinking your not confident enough to make a move by the time she figured it out, or someone explained it to her. You need to be honest with yourself for this question.

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I should but I also think it might be a bit early. Because asking them too early and then coming off as creepy is very real


I'm assuming this isn't aimed at me but just in case you should not be saying it right now, i wouldn't even be thinking about saying it until you've asked her out and gone on a few dates or hung out a lot more whilst dating or whatever, otherwise it will seem very awkward for her and will cause a lot of tension that has no place being there.

Ok from the get go I can say its actually a good thing that your both this young, Although it will be a problem for the fact that you have 0 experience but its also the easiest time as she has no experience either so will be easily impressed. and the fact you hang out a lot just the two of you is a good thing, without you knowing she could of easily of thought about you in a partner way already.

Another question, has she ever came to you and talked to you about other guys and what she thinks about them?

I wouldn't read much into the hand grab thing unless there's a lot more to it, it could be easily construed as a friendly thing so i would give that as a pass atm. The fact that it came from a friendship thing makes it a bit easier. Just explain everything properly and tell her that even though you started out like friends that she has started to grow on you on a deeper level and that you would like to try and go on a date with her and see where it goes. It can be more awkward seeming that you are friends if it doesn't work out well as most girls i try date i don't really know and i give them the whole i'm down to hang out and date sort of thing but i;m not really looking for a friendship unless I've already decided so in my mind sort of thing. but i would still go for it, otherwise it will be constantly in your mind and will never come to anything which is worse than getting rejected.

Also don't worry too much about the other friends not liking you, it may seem like such a task but if you don't react to it that badly then it will all be fine, like don't ignore them but swing it around into banter on the odd occasion or whatever and it wont be that big of a deal.

Question: are you there to help out any of your close friends or do you treat her specially? the not saying no to her often isn't a bad thing if your seen as a guy who helps most people but if you treat her specially it maybe more obvious than you think which could lead to her knowing and thinking your not confident enough to make a move by the time she figured it out, or someone explained it to her. You need to be honest with yourself for this question.

 

Another question, has she ever came to you and talked to you about other guys and what she thinks about them?
yea she has


Question: are you there to help out any of your close friends or do you treat her specially? the not saying no to her often isn't a bad thing if your seen as a guy who helps most people but if you treat her specially it maybe more obvious than you think which could lead to her knowing and thinking your not confident enough to make a move by the time she figured it out, or someone explained it to her. You need to be honest with yourself for this question.

Honestly, I help other people out a lot too and she knows it. I'm being completely honest. Although, sometimes I CAN be a dick to certain people. I think she most likely hasn't figured it out yet because I haven't dropped that many hints but if she did..actually nvm I honestly don't think she did.
Also, I don't think people know I have feelings for her. I'm being really secretive with this. She is as well. Like she doesn't hug me in front of a bunch of people so I don't know if that's a good sign or not...?

One thing. The most important thing to me honestly is even if I get rejected or I don't and we break up some time in the future I want to end up where we were before dating and not at a point where we just don't talk to each other. Asking her out and then having it turn into an awkward friendzone is my biggest nightmare.

 

I'm actually a fucking idiot for asking this question but what do you guys mean by asking her out and then telling her I love her? I have no idea how that works because I always thought it was tell them I love you and then ask out right after

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Ok well, just ask her out and go from there tbh, things do change and you have to accept that and if something hits the fan you just have to move on but that shouldnt stop you from doing it. Just be honest about it all and it should be good as you dont have some shitty creepy story of you liking her although i feel your too attached and you shouldnt mention that too early and your probably not in love with her as much as you think you are. you are 16 have fun with it.

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Ok well, just ask her out and go from there tbh, things do change and you have to accept that and if something hits the fan you just have to move on but that shouldnt stop you from doing it. Just be honest about it all and it should be good as you dont have some shitty creepy story of you liking her although i feel your too attached and you shouldnt mention that too early and your probably not in love with her as much as you think you are. you are 16 have fun with it.

If I go for it how should I? How should I ask her? Do I ask her out first? Tell her I love her first? I'm so fucking inexperienced LOL
I know for one I should ask her IRL because asking on Facebook is like suicide 

Other than that I know absolutely jack shit about how to do this

I mean she's always down to hang out without a bunch of people around so I guess it won't be hard to find the moment for it but still

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Just dont bitch out about it, when your hanging out with her, probably best when your laughing or something happens which reminds you of why you like her for example saying oh this is why i like you blah blah blah we should go out sometime and then clarify as a date, and that you can just see where it goes from there.

dont tell her you love her before wait quite a while before telling her this, as twitter said if you have to question telling her this its definitely not the right time to.

btw dont go to the cinema that is like one of the worst initial dates, my personl fave would be bowling but ask her to go to somewhere you both like to go.

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holy fuck dont tell her you love her please

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this isnt a fucking anime
 
you are 16
 
you dont love her
 
ask her out

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you don't tell her you love her till you're actually in a relationship with her. the trope in movies and shows where the dude tells the girl he loves her and it somehow initiates their romantic relationship is really fucking stupid

 

seriously... even if you've known her for a long time and you actually do feel like you love her, don't do it. it makes you look weak and unattractive to spill guts too early.

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Just dont bitch out about it, when your hanging out with her, probably best when your laughing or something happens which reminds you of why you like her for example saying oh this is why i like you blah blah blah we should go out sometime and then clarify as a date, and that you can just see where it goes from there.

dont tell her you love her before wait quite a while before telling her this, as twitter said if you have to question telling her this its definitely not the right time to.

btw dont go to the cinema that is like one of the worst initial dates, my personl fave would be bowling but ask her to go to somewhere you both like to go.

I'm not questioning anything. I'm absolutely sure. 
I know not to go to a cinema because that doesn't leave much room for socializing. I know I'm going to go to a museum with her for a school project would that work as well? lol

 

So now it's basically a case of when to tell her (it's been 3 months since we got sorta intimate) and if I should tell her I love her right away or if I should hint at it and ask her on a date

but isn't "I love you" and "Do you want to go on a date some time" basically synonymous at least to someone with no experience?

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I was 14 when I asked out my girlfriend and we've been together for 4 years. I wouldn't tell her that you love her... that would just creep a girl out that young and she may not be able to handle that at that young of an age. I waited until my girlfriend said she loved me.

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saying i love you is like a symbolic point you reach in a relationship. it really shouldn't be that big of a deal but it is. saying it too early is not pimpin

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Just dont bitch out about it, when your hanging out with her, probably best when your laughing or something happens which reminds you of why you like her for example saying oh this is why i like you blah blah blah we should go out sometime and then clarify as a date, and that you can just see where it goes from there.

dont tell her you love her before wait quite a while before telling her this, as twitter said if you have to question telling her this its definitely not the right time to.

btw dont go to the cinema that is like one of the worst initial dates, my personl fave would be bowling but ask her to go to somewhere you both like to go.

I'm not questioning anything. I'm absolutely sure. 
I know not to go to a cinema because that doesn't leave much room for socializing. I know I'm going to go to a museum with her for a school project would that work as well? lol


ok well just dont tell her till youve been dating for a while, the museum thing gives you some time for some layup work and to mess around and make her laugh but i wouldn't consider that to be a date, you want to have fun not to be doing work for school. take her somewhere you can have a good time and not have to think outside the box to do so. keep it simple your young its a lot easier than your thinking it is because it gets harder when your older and the girls have already done the easy shit when they were dating at 15-16.

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saying i love you is like a symbolic point you reach in a relationship. it really shouldn't be that big of a deal but it is. saying it too early is not pimpin

Yea that I know. It could come off as creepy and I don't want to spill the beans too quickly. The thing is to someone with probably no experience, would they think that "wanna go on a date?" and "I love you" are almost if not completely the same thing?

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no its still not the same thing. a date is something where you want to get to know them on a deeper level leading to the i love you stage.

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no its still not the same thing. a date is something where you want to get to know them on a deeper level leading to the i love you stage.

Ah ok i see. I was worried because I mean I know but she doesn't have experience (and neither do I cept for the insight I got from you guys in the last hour lol) so she might think they both are some sort of gesture or indication of i love you

I'll ask her some time after the museum thing I guess

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