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SOLVED - When to tell someone you love them (Not until you mean it)

223 posts in this topic

u r playing goats not current meta

 

u dnt just play ur hand in 1 turn

 

u make reads n carefully optimize play

 

dnt tell this ho u love her just b patient

 

let her no u hve feelings n mayb y, suggest somewre she likes/uve been b4

Please never do that again

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all of this 'you are in high school, shit doesn't matter' stuff is kind of wrong. we've all been in high school and we all know that that is all that matters to you at the time and we see that the social aspect of it is juvenile and in the long run becomes irrelevant. 

 

like, it's true, but you cannot grasp it while you're still in high school. you're both sixteen and inexperienced and that is what is relevant here. think about the possible outcomes : she says yes or no. 

 

if she says yes : nice! gj, do some relationship things

 

if she says no : that sucks - decide if you still want to be friends or if you want to drift apart. if she's part of your main group of friends it will be tougher to stay away from her so make sure that you're prepared for that. i have gotten rejected and been really, really hurt by it because of how much i had cared for a girl, and twice it has been really hard for me to recover from that and remain friends. one girl who i had really liked (actually at 16, and story sounds kinda similar to yours) i got rejected by after i kissed her on the cheek. that was kinda rough for me to deal with then, but we ended up remaining very good friends to this day. 

 

at 16 this is a big deal, especially for you it seems, and don't let anyone tell you differently. that doesn't make it life or death though, and regardless of the outcome the chances are that you'll eventually end up single again, you will feel better after she rejects you, and if not, fuck yeah, that's awesome! 

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also, fuck, everyone has different definitions of love. 

 

you could love her, you can't only love 1 person ever, as marriage makes it seem and engrains into our brains as the only way that love can ever really end up is marriage - but to me that's kind of trivial, you have relationships and one forms into a super-relationship. but don't try to tell me that the love you have for one person could not ever be with ANYONE else. sure, it's tough to imagine but there is always someone else out there who is compatible, and able to give and receive the same amount of love as anyone else.

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all of this 'you are in high school, shit doesn't matter' stuff is kind of wrong. we've all been in high school and we all know that that is all that matters to you at the time and we see that the social aspect of it is juvenile and in the long run becomes irrelevant. 
 
like, it's true, but you cannot grasp it while you're still in high school. you're both sixteen and inexperienced and that is what is relevant here. think about the possible outcomes : she says yes or no. 
 
if she says yes : nice! gj, do some relationship things
 
if she says no : that sucks - decide if you still want to be friends or if you want to drift apart. if she's part of your main group of friends it will be tougher to stay away from her so make sure that you're prepared for that. i have gotten rejected and been really, really hurt by it because of how much i had cared for a girl, and twice it has been really hard for me to recover from that and remain friends. one girl who i had really liked (actually at 16, and story sounds kinda similar to yours) i got rejected by after i kissed her on the cheek. that was kinda rough for me to deal with then, but we ended up remaining very good friends to this day. 
 
at 16 this is a big deal, especially for you it seems, and don't let anyone tell you differently. that doesn't make it life or death though, and regardless of the outcome the chances are that you'll eventually end up single again, you will feel better after she rejects you, and if not, fuck yeah, that's awesome! 


Well it's always good to have advice from people with the perspective of time and experience but some things I have to just try out first
This isn't the world to me but yea as you said it does mean a considerable amount
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all of this 'you are in high school, shit doesn't matter' stuff is kind of wrong. we've all been in high school and we all know that that is all that matters to you at the time and we see that the social aspect of it is juvenile and in the long run becomes irrelevant. 

 

like, it's true, but you cannot grasp it while you're still in high school. you're both sixteen and inexperienced and that is what is relevant here. think about the possible outcomes : she says yes or no. 

 

if she says yes : nice! gj, do some relationship things

 

if she says no : that sucks - decide if you still want to be friends or if you want to drift apart. if she's part of your main group of friends it will be tougher to stay away from her so make sure that you're prepared for that. i have gotten rejected and been really, really hurt by it because of how much i had cared for a girl, and twice it has been really hard for me to recover from that and remain friends. one girl who i had really liked (actually at 16, and story sounds kinda similar to yours) i got rejected by after i kissed her on the cheek. that was kinda rough for me to deal with then, but we ended up remaining very good friends to this day. 

 

at 16 this is a big deal, especially for you it seems, and don't let anyone tell you differently. that doesn't make it life or death though, and regardless of the outcome the chances are that you'll eventually end up single again, you will feel better after she rejects you, and if not, fuck yeah, that's awesome! 

You have a very good point, but it's also very hard to not say anything, but the Yes, and No options you put out are very effective.

Honestly Ask her out whenever you feel comfortable doing so. Stop planning it. You could do it tomorrow, or 2 weeks from now. It really would not matter. If she likes you, then she likes you, and you are in high school so she will be just as unlikely to let her emotions be known outloud. Like fuck it, the worst that can happen is it's awkward for a bit. 
 

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Welcome to DGz where we love and support each other.

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You don't love a person until you'd give up your life for that person. Period.

 

With that said, I've been in your shoes once. You're definitely overthinking things. Which is natural for your first time.

 

The best advice in this thread is 'this isn't an anime.'

 

It really isn't. I'm not sure what you have thought up in your mind as being a potential outcome of asking her out.

 

If she says no, you actually won't die. Trust me on this one. It'll sting at first, but you'll be better off in the long run. You'll learn what didn't work; if she wasn't into you to begin with... well... it wasn't meant to be; at least you can still be friends. Unless you told her you loved her; then she might avoid you forever, as she'll think you're really creepy.

 

If she says yes, remember that you're 16. You're not going to go out to a fancy dinner at some haughty restaurant. Most dates at your age involve going to dinner => movie => whatever the flow of things is (you'll know). Or instead of dinner + movie, it can literally be ANY ACTIVITY YOU TWO WOULD ENJOY DOING. If you can garner what type of food she'd like to go eat, what type of activity she'd love to go do (through conversation), SHARE THAT EXPERIENCE WITH HER.

 

As for conversing with women, keep it casual. Talking to a potential girlfriend is pretty much the same thing as talking to a good friend. Keep the conversation light. It's nice to throw a compliment when you first see her on your date ('You look nice tonight!'), but PLEASEEEEE don't be that guy that just throws constant praise at the girl he's with. Girls do NOT like that shit; they find it really clingy, needy, uncomfortable, and just flat out unattractive.

 

If you've both never gone out with anyone before, keep it light-hearted. You've probably never kissed a girl, and she's probably never kissed a guy. That's perfect. Your first kiss (when it happens) will be extremely awkward, and it will be hilarious. Laugh at it (DON'T MAKE IT STRESSFUL AND WEIRRDDDDD). Explore the passions of romance together.

 

As for physical contact... make sure there's at least some as to differentiate from being merely 'friends.' Like don't grope her 24/7 (cuz that's awkward), but when a situation occurs where physical contact would be appropriate (and recommended), casually go with the flow. Like if you're walking down the street together, it can be as simple as putting your arm around her shoulder. Just don't be too forceful about it; if she isn't receptive, lay off a bit.

 

 

TL;DR

I could tell you more things but it really just boils down to two things:

  • A situation is only weird if you make it weird. Keep it casual, and laugh at awkward moments (such as both of your first kisses!). Dates and relationships should be fun, not serious.
  • Go with the flow. You'll generally be able to tell if she's receptive to you by her responses to your words/actions. If you put your arm around her and she pulls away, that should tell you to back off a bit (but not necessarily give up on the date entirely; you might just be moving too quickly). If you put your arm around her and she comes in closer or snuggles or some shit, then she likes you. Take it slow and don't rush things.

 

If you have questions on how to handle specific situations, please feel free to send me a private message. I don't feel what you're posting is 'nonsense,' as Gendo pointed out; I do understand you have a ton of very real questions and you're worried about one mistake fucking everything up. However, don't try to have a 'perfect monologue' set in mind when you plan to ask her out. How you imagine asking her out will play out and how it will actually happen are two completely separate things; it takes one person to create a thought, but two people to create a relationship. Remember that.

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Just ask her out for lunch (more casual than dinner) and don't call it a date. If you feel like it, you can suggest going for a walk or something you both enjoy doing afterwards. Just be yourself, have fun, don't be too serious and maybe try to flirt a little (give her compliments, look into her eyes and smile etc. but don't be too creepy about it, just act natural and honest). You don't have to take it that fare on the first date. Just have fun and get to know each other better. Dawgy's advice is really good.

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I can't believe this thread has 60 replies. You're asking so many specific questions and in all honesty, it doesn't really matter. You're tiptoeing around the matter of ACTUALLY ASKING HER. Just go for it. 

 

I think it might help if you establish the mindframe that if it doesn't work out between you two, you're a badass enough dude that she'll still want to be friends with you and that you could get an even better girl if you wanted.

 

I feel like you're coming from a place where she's like the holy grail to you and that's just not healthy. It's going to make you hesitant to go after what you really want and you're gonna come off as a friendzoned loser who is in love with her and she doesn't care. 

 

It's been said a lot but just ask her asap because it sounds like you're rapidly dancing toward the friendzone with her

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u r playing goats not current meta

 

u dnt just play ur hand in 1 turn

 

u make reads n carefully optimize play

 

dnt tell this ho u love her just b patient

 

let her no u hve feelings n mayb y, suggest somewre she likes/uve been b4

Please never do that again

1v1 top lane

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I've known this girl for ~3 years but we didn't talk that much until recently. I've been talking to her for ~3 months now I guess and now I kinda want to take it to the next level. I think I've gotten to know her a lot more these last few months and then now I know I like her lol. But then what would be the right time to ask her out? I don't want to ask too early, nor do I want to wait until it's too late.  I'm really inexperienced because I've never been in a relationship before and now I might finally have a change so I really don't want to fuck this up. How should I do this?

 

If more info is needed or I forgot to put in certain details tell me

 

 

Bro, you've taken too long... 

 

I'm sorry to say, but you're most likely in the friend zone.

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^^^ you're an idiot

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I've known this girl for ~3 years but we didn't talk that much until recently. I've been talking to her for ~3 months now I guess and now I kinda want to take it to the next level. I think I've gotten to know her a lot more these last few months and then now I know I like her lol. But then what would be the right time to ask her out? I don't want to ask too early, nor do I want to wait until it's too late.  I'm really inexperienced because I've never been in a relationship before and now I might finally have a change so I really don't want to fuck this up. How should I do this?

 

If more info is needed or I forgot to put in certain details tell me

 

 

Bro, you've taken too long... 

 

I'm sorry to say, but you're most likely in the friend zone.

 

 

slow boy

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Alright
I can do this shit

Imma ask her the next time we're alone

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why wait till you're alone just fucking ask her

she won't think you're autistic

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why wait till you're alone just fucking ask her

she won't think you're autistic

i know she doesn't like being around a fuckton of people, as don't I

wouldnt asking in front of like 300 different people in school be idiotic as fuck though 

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How hard is to ask her out like "hey want to go to the movies on saturday?"

 

I thought this was a huge deal too when I was younger but if you're good friends then she won't stomp on your heart. It's more important to have fun when growing up than it is to worry about stupid things like people's opinions of you.

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How hard is to ask her out like "hey want to go to the movies on saturday?"
 
I thought this was a huge deal too when I was younger but if you're good friends then she won't stomp on your heart. It's more important to have fun when growing up than it is to worry about stupid things like people's opinions of you.

i mean she gets really nervous and shit when around lots of people 
but it's not that hard to get her to be alone
i'll see
and yea i realized that the probability of this working is inversely proportional to how worried I am by this
that's why I'm just gonna fucking ask but just not in front of lots of people
and at worst I go back to children's card games all day

How hard is to ask her out like "hey want to go to the movies on saturday?"

been there done that. she said she didnt want to spend that much money on a movie. either she's telling the truth or I'm fucked. In the interest of not screwing myself the fuck over i'll just assume the former is true
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Offer to pay for it?
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Offer to pay for it?


I have absolutely no problem paying for it. I'm not cheap. But I don't want to sound desperate because if she still says no (and maybe it's actually because she's busy) then that would be really awkward. Bleh a movie theater isn't really a good place to start anyways since it doesn't allow for much interaction. And I've already offered to pay for stuff but she was like "nah it's fine" and idiot me listens and doesn't insist like I'm supposed to as I realized I should in retrospect

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Offer to pay for it?


I have absolutely no problem paying for it. I'm not cheap. But I don't want to sound desperate or in the worst case turn her into a gold digger because if she still says no (and maybe it's actually because she's busy) then that would be really awkward. Bleh a movie theater isn't really a good place to start anyways since it doesn't allow for much interaction. And I've already offered to pay for stuff but she was like "nah it's fine" and idiot me listens and doesn't insist like I'm supposed to as I realized I should in retrospect

 

Remember what I PM'd you? Don't sweat the small stuff, because I'm sure she isn't.

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When you feel like you can marry her and you know the feeling is mutual.

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plz say youve actually asked her now

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