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Aaron

age questions

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Aaron    1979

Is a 20 year old dating a 15 year old weird?

Is a 23 year old dating an 18 year old weird?

Its a 24 year old who dated a 19 year old for a year and then gets engaged to her weird? 

 

 

I want to hear your guys opinions on both the guy and the girl in these circumstances please. Obviously common sense does say that circumstances etc. can vary but I want to here your general opinions on said practices. 

 

 

There is a back story to why I'm asking this but I don't want to bother you guys too much with bullshit. 

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+Gojira    1704

1st one yes, 1 is above legal age, 1 is not (bad idea imo)

 

2nd one, eh, probably fine, depends.

 

3rd one, one of them at least is an idiot.

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+rei+    34404
two things
1: I'm dating someone eight years younger than me. It works. It doesn't always work. It's reallyu a case by case thing
2: This is totally in the video games section
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Grimey    8107

1 is not only weird but completely unacceptable imo 

 

2 & 3 are completely fine 

 

Under 18 w/ 20+ is a combo that will never be okay in my books. 

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website is bad    2169

two things
1: I'm dating someone eight years younger than me. It works. It doesn't always work. It's reallyu a case by case thing
2: This is totally in the video games section

 

as you get older the numerical difference between two people matters less and less because its not so much the absolute difference in age but the different amounts of life experience/brain development to some extent. the difference between 18 and 26 is fairly huge, but the difference between 28 and 36 is way less so because its reasonable for them both to have had roughly the same life experiences.

 

anyways,

 

1: yes

2: not to the point where id comment on it, but id wonder what drew them together

3: if by "19 dated for a year and a half" you mean they started when one was 17 then yeah thats a problem. if one started at 19 and got married right after 20 then nah.

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+Gojira    1704

1 year just doesn't seem long enough to get engaged in my opinion. I mean, sure it's just engagement, not really commitment, but it'd put too much pressure on a relationship at that stage I'd think.

 

I've never been engaged though, so idk.

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Forlum    9162

Donnie Darko: So we call them IMG’s.

Gretchen Ross: Infant Memory Generators.

Donnie Darko: Yeah, so the idea is that you buy these glasses for your infant and they wear them at night when they sleep.

Gretchen Ross: But inside the glasses are these slide photographs. And each photograph is of something peaceful of beautiful whatever the parents want to put inside.

Kenneth Monnitoff: And what effect do you think this would have on an infant?

Donnie Darko: Well, this thing is, nobody remembers their infancy. Anyone who says they do is lying. So we think this will help develop memory earlier in life.

Gretchen Ross: Yeah.

Kenneth Monnitoff: And did you stop and think that maybe infants need darkness? That maybe darkness is part of their natural development?


young people just need to be left alone, they don't need older people and their experiences and baggage, positive or negative fuckin' their shit up

no matter how mature they seem or whatever, it is dumb to me

i guess it could work out if the older person is really immature and by work out I mean like two weeks of stupid shit before it crashes and/or burns

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Aaron    1979

I basically had a conversation with a girl i've been speaking to for about 5 months, only went on one date as she went abroad then since shes been back, I've been busy as I've got a proper job offer as a doctor so I've been busy with that [basically there is no future with her and pivotal moments are occurring which determine my future i must act upon]... so despite her being hot, cute, attractive, funny... its just a write off considering she is always moving around the world too. She is also very horrible, thinks shes better than everyone else and that today's generation of people are beneath her. I don't really mind that since shes very hot and does very nice things in terms of charity work but it irritated me to the extent I would not consider her as a girlfriend.  Shes chased me for a few dates, meeting up... but i value my time at the gym + work too much at the moment,. 

 

Anyway, we were talking. This came up. She said she dated a guy when she 17 who was 22 or 23. I was a bit harsh and said that I feel that if she was 17 or 16 and dating a guy who is 22/23, its weird.. the guy should get girls his own age. She was a bit butt hurt. Then she said as a counter argument "well situations are always different.. i mean we got engaged when i was like 19 so there". I responded saying that getting engaged is not a sign of maturity in any way whatsoever. She then got butt hurt again. I then said that a relationship with a 23 year old and an 18 year old is probably fine but getting engaged isn't. A 23 year old should appreciate the change in maturity from being 18 to being 19, then 20 then 21... basically I have yet to meet someone who didn't dramatically change and grow up from 18 to their 20s. Therefore I'd hold off from getting engaged with an 18 year old, no matter how perfect she was, until I felt she was sure of it, had lived a little and was emotionally ready. Its a bit selfish IMO for a 23 year old to strip an 18 year old of that time to grow. Being in a relationship with them is fine if they're both emotionally mature enough and enjoy each others time but if I truly LOVED someone, I'd want to make sure they grew as a person and adult before committing. 

 

She got butt hurt again. I then asked why the engagement didn't work out.

 

This is the part which makes me feel like shit a bit. She said he had cancer and passed away. At this point I said "that sucks, sorry for your loss, its sad when cancer takes people away, especially at such a young age. What type of cancer did he die of?". I was going to give her my whole hospital super sympathetic speech which I give patients but shes not a patient.. and I feel it would have been condecending. Ontop of that, I'm kind of desensitized to death as I encounter it everyday and she always seemed like a very matter of fact and emotionally secure person. 

 

Anyway she typed for like 3-4 minutes, nothing came through, then she blocked me. I don't care about the block since she is sadly not really a part of my life. However I do feel a bit bad... and since shes blocked me, I can't apologise. I was not going to date her again but she was nice to talk to despite being believing she was better than everyone else. I learnt from this situation that I am more bothered with "the truth" or "being right" and sometimes forget the people involved and their feelings. Maybe I should have just thrown out a sugar coating apology after she said her boyfriend had passed away of cancer and taken everything I said back.. but at the same time... I didn't think to do it because I don't think anything I said was ultimately wrong.  Would you apologise (the only way is to make a new Facebook, text off someone else phone or message her sister) or just let it go? I feel  like I'm pursuing an apology just so I can make myself feel better which is selfish. If shes blocked me, I should respect that. Would you guys agree? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My personal conclusion is do not apologise and leave her alone. I was ignoring her for large periods the past few weeks as I've really got nothing to say to her with whats going on with my career and life. She was chasing me, messaging me every couple of days but I've been genuinely busy and I've also not been interested in chilling with her considering the distance and how intense she and up her own arse she can be. Nothing to do with her is romantic BTW for me (anymore). It was to begin with but since she went abroad for 2-3 months, I moved on. I feel me wanting to apologise is really a bit selfish and just to make myself feel better. 

 

 

It also raised a big question for me... I have this thing of always wanting to be right and I think I need to draw a line between chasing facts and the truth, and caring for people. Its probably why I wanted to pursue a career in law rather than medicine. 

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Aaron    1979

Donnie Darko: So we call them IMG’s.

Gretchen Ross: Infant Memory Generators.

Donnie Darko: Yeah, so the idea is that you buy these glasses for your infant and they wear them at night when they sleep.

Gretchen Ross: But inside the glasses are these slide photographs. And each photograph is of something peaceful of beautiful whatever the parents want to put inside.

Kenneth Monnitoff: And what effect do you think this would have on an infant?

Donnie Darko: Well, this thing is, nobody remembers their infancy. Anyone who says they do is lying. So we think this will help develop memory earlier in life.

Gretchen Ross: Yeah.

Kenneth Monnitoff: And did you stop and think that maybe infants need darkness? That maybe darkness is part of their natural development?


young people just need to be left alone, they don't need older people and their experiences and baggage, positive or negative fuckin' their shit up

no matter how mature they seem or whatever, it is dumb to me

i guess it could work out if the older person is really immature and by work out I mean like two weeks of stupid shit before it crashes and/or burns

 

I totally agree. 

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Soul    7936

you called her on her shit and she threw the cancer thing out there to make you feel like an ass. idk how you exactly came across throughout this conversation, but it's not as if your points were actually wrong. and when she told you about the cancer thing, you reacted in a seemingly mature way. the block is unwarranted, and shes literally just doing it to be a cunt and make you feel bad. fuck her.

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Aaron    1979

you called her on her shit and she threw the cancer thing out there to make you feel like an ass. idk how you exactly came across throughout this conversation, but it's not as if your points were actually wrong. and when she told you about the cancer thing, you reacted in a seemingly mature way. the block is unwarranted, and shes literally just doing it to be a cunt and make you feel bad. fuck her.

 

 

every post you write is like listening to my long lost twin.

 

thanks bro. 

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Grimey    8107

I agree w/ everything you posted in that big block and I also agree w/ Soul fuck her and you're the right in this situation 

 

She sounds like a stubborn person from your description so I'm not surprised she acted the way she did. I don't think you did anything wrong at all. 

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TFJ    618
If you talk to her through alternative methods mentioned, you will look pathetic.
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Aaron    1979

If you talk to her through alternative methods mentioned, you will look pathetic.

 

 

Yeah thats what I thought and the thing is, I have nothing to gain either. Over the past few months shes been way more emotionally invested in myself, messaging me whilst shes abroad etc. Whilst not sounding too much of a dick.. but I've been getting on with my shit, dating other girls and generally just having an awesome time. 

 

I wanted to make sure I'm not being too emotionally insensitive though. 

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Faint    5619

oh this is my area of expertise

 

no dont do the first one

I'd take whatever you can get mate...

 

11075292_939916246032277_708404520968147

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harig07    2058

Is a 25 year old dating a 17 year old weird?

 

[spoiler]

 

o-KYLIE-JENNER-TYGA-facebook.jpg

 

[/spoiler]

 

These are the questions that haunt me

 

(To actually respond to OP Soul's post is spot on, you didn't do anything wrong and she flipped out so just let her do her business I guess. With the age thing I'd say it's just a case of doing whatever both parties are comfortable with. If a significant age difference bothers you that's cool, if it doesn't that's cool too.)

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Light.    49

Yeah soul is right and it seems you already moved on. Maybe blocking you is her way of seeing if you would go the ''extra mile'' and basically trying to make you feel guilty.

 

If however she contacts you in a way then you can always take it from there (if you by then feel the need to apologise) and simply apologise for saying how it could came across as harsh and you didnt mean it that way, but dont apologise for what you said since you were right in your argument.

 

 

Also for the age thing,

 

I wouldnt date anyone below 18  for obv reasons and even the age of 18-20 Im not that keen off due the immaturity (which ofc i cant blame them for). But there are always exceptions to the rule, Im now dating someone who's 20 and she seems more mature than most girls of that age and then its fine.

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