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getting over insecurity problems

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α    340

been feeling like shit lately over stupid reasons like height (5'8") and no facial hair. to top it all off, i'm not particularly witty or humorous either. i feel like i have to prove myself even more when standing next to taller people or when i'm being compared with them in general. it's really unhealthy, but yea

 

decided to take my first step at moving away from chumphood by lifting and hitting the gym 4-5x a week. squat after squat, press after press. you'd think testosterone and confidence spikes would make these problems go away somewhat, but no. i can look at progress pics but i still don't have any facial hair and that really pisses me off but it shouldn't. i can't keep fixating on this because i have to move on with goals, set new goals, and keep producitivity high. the worst part is, i know that to be the case but i still keep focusing on it anyways because it's so hard to deal with and compartmentalize these insecurities. kinda like the pink elephant experiment in psychology. maybe i'll try to pick up meditating or something

 

i am a much different person than the below average pathetic chump i was a while ago (thank god), but the frustration is the same - day in, day out, nothing changes. after trying to fix myself hollistically so many different ways, i think insecurity is the root problem. so people who have gotten over them, how did you do it? did you change what you were insecure about if it wasn't genetic and how did you come to accept what you can't change?

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TFJ    618
What the bell.
Facial hair is just annoying, unless you take the time to grow it out nice. Then you have to take care of it, annoying again.

Seriously that is the worst complaint ever. You are getting ready for college not eight grade.
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α    340

Facial hair is just annoying, unless you take the time to grow it out nice.

why is this an annoyance? it's more than a fair trade off in order for people to take me seriously. i'm willing to wait it out and let it itch and shave it or w/e if it means just that. all i have are a couple of strands and peach fuzz, it's not masculine in any way

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Soul    7939
Why aren't you banned from here yet
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Chris Buraseru    10480

Not to be a downer, but it is highly unlikely that people actually have the time or inclination to give a fuck about you unless you stick out like a sore thumb (which you do not actually, stop over-thinking ffs)

 

like there is literally a guy at my school who wears a fedora has a neckbeard and ponytail combo who wears checkered fingerless gloves and a fucking dress vest as part of his daily uniform. Be worried when you start looking like that my nigga, otherwise keep your shit moving, cause everybody else is.

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Dark Templar    246

Firstly by the sounds of it you don't have anything to worry about. You'd shave the facial hair off anyway. 

 

Secondly, WHO FUCKING CARES? You're gonna live probably about 70-80 years in total and then you'll be dead. Do you really have time to worry about shit like this?

so people who have gotten over them, how did you do it?

Just stop letting the thought of someone else disliking something about you affect your behaviour (within reason, obviously listen when someone tells you "stop raping people its not okay") and get on with your life. Decide on the kind of person you wanna be and the kind of people you want around you, then go from there.

 

Realising you have nothing to be insecure about and that insecurity is just wasting your own time is how you get over insecurity problems tbh. You create insecurity for yourself by believing/telling yourself that X is true. In this case, you have told yourself and believe that the lack of facial hair means you are in some way less attractive and a 'chump'. That isn't true.

 

Every time you feel like shitting on yourself about something just think about the fact that you sound like that really hot girl that was in your class and always said "I'm fat".

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α    340
Realising you have nothing to be insecure about and that insecurity is just wasting your own time is how you get over insecurity problems tbh. You create insecurity for yourself by believing/telling yourself that X is true. In this case, you have told yourself and believe that the lack of facial hair means you are in some way less attractive and a 'chump'. That isn't true.

 

Every time you feel like shitting on yourself about something just think about the fact that you sound like that really hot girl that was in your class and always said "I'm fat".

 

i have stuff to worry about, some genetic, some within reach, like better verbal ability. it's on me to get better at communicating, so i decided to not include that in there - i have no excuse because it's changeable.

 

that girl is actually objectively hot and real-world results (like guys hitting on her) confirm that objectivity. i know my objective, hollistic worth; it isn't a fair comparison

 

but yea you're probably right. it's just that most confident people have things to be confident about, and i have to earn those things first before i can be confident, no? but other than that everything you mentioned are sound goals that i'll try to internalize

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Dark Templar    246

Well my point wasn't really that you're hot, my point was you're complaining about something that isn't an issue, although this certainly sounds like you're upset about not being attractive now that I've read that post too. First of all you're obviously very hard on yourself so however bad you think you look is A LOT worse than how you actually look. Secondly physical looks are something that can be worked on (going to gym, up-do-date hair style, nice clothes etc AND REMEMBER NICE AFTERSHAVE. Girls' pants fall down when you smell good) so even if you weren't born looking like johnny depp you can still make yourself very desirable.

 

Also you really need to get out of this "I am only as good as what other people deem me to be" kind of mentality. You aren't on this planet to adhere to other people's tastes. The thing is, people like you and me that weren't born with a silver spoon in our mouth followed by an easy as fuck social life and being liked by everybody for being beautiful are actually more interesting people by default because we've had to make our own way through life. Struggling with social situations, having to think and study other people and understand their behaviour on a level that they don't. We spend more time looking at ourselves and thinking about profound concepts, and we also get "If you want something work or it" built into our heads which is a fucking huge advantage in this world. This builds character and skills for the rest of your life that other people do not have and wish they had.

 

What I'm getting at is, you're much smarter and more interesting than all those perfect looking people that you're clearly upset about not being one of, but the differences between you and them mean that you will be more interesting to a girl that's actually smart enough to realise how much of a cool person you are, probably end up with a much more interesting career and ultimately have a better experience in life.

 

SO STOP HATING ON YOURSELF AND ENJOY THE RIDE BEFORE IT ENDS

 

One last thing on the "I know my objective worth" kind of mentality: The fact you're less attractive than someone else means literally NOTHING. You shouldn't be thinking of yourself as some kind of less desirable person because of something as trivial as your physical appearance. Anyone with a brain will tell you looks are just one way of getting someone's attention, going from there relies entirely on you as a person. How funny your jokes are, how interesting you are, how kind you are etc etc. You know, shit that actually matters?

 

Since we've already established that you're a much more interesting and complex person than any of the people's looks you were jealous of, this means all you have to do is get a girls attention and just like that you're instantly more desirable than all those other guys. As soon as you open your mouth and start talking to her she realises you're not just another surfer dude that watches too much MTV. THESE are the things you DO have to be confident about; Everything about you.

 

So don't be beating yourself up about how you look or about how many girls hit on you, hold your head high and wait for a girl that's worth your time and is smart enough to appreciate what you have to offer.

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α    340
Since we've already established that you're a much more interesting and complex person than any of the people's looks you were jealous of, this means all you have to do is get a girls attention and just like that you're instantly more desirable than all those other guys. As soon as you open your mouth and start talking to her she realises you're not just another surfer dude that watches too much MTV. THESE are the things you DO have to be confident about; Everything about you.

I'm not jealous in the sense that I have someone who looks like this in mind that i'm trying to emulate. i've come up with these standards and these ideas on my own, but they're society's at the very root

 

are they? there are holistically powerful, masculine, confident, handsome AND intelligent and well-rounded men, the role models and paragons of virtue. this is the top 1% of men. if monogamy didn't exist as law, we'd probably be fucked. but that's besides the point

 

i didn't make this topic just to talk about girls, don't want to put them on a pedestal. there are other things like subpar verbal expression ability and fear of approaching people preventing me from stepping out of the comfort zone to build up my resume, which is equally important to my holistic value

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α    340
Since we've already established that you're a much more interesting and complex person than any of the people's looks you were jealous of, this means all you have to do is get a girls attention and just like that you're instantly more desirable than all those other guys. As soon as you open your mouth and start talking to her she realises you're not just another surfer dude that watches too much MTV. THESE are the things you DO have to be confident about; Everything about you.

you are massively downplaying the role of looks

 

and yea it does seem too wishy-washy and bluepill, i think you are deemphasizing the role of genes wayy too much. but it's fine to delude ourselves even if we know deep down that looks matter since we can't change genes anyways, right?

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Dark Templar    246

I know you didn't, I just wanted to address the 'girls' side of things because I know how it feels to think that you're undesirable and things like what I said in that post are what helped me get past it.

 

The communication thing is on you as you said, you just gotta work on it. I'd try give you more specific advice/moral support but I don't know exactly what you mean.

 

As for being afraid of approaching people, dealing with that really depends on why you're afraid. Either way I'm going through something similar myself and haven't actually got past it myself so I can't offer solid advice there.

 

and yea it does seem too wishy-washy and bluepill, i think you are downplaying the role of genes wayy too much. but it's fine to delude ourselves even if we know deep down that looks matter since we can't change genes anyways, right?

 

Who said anything about deluding yourself? I personally think what I said in that post about how much looks matter is absolute fact. Obviously its helpful to look nice but as I said there are plenty more important things and you have a lot more going for you in terms of who you are as a person than most "holistically perfect men". 

 

If you aren't talking about attractiveness and girls here then I'm not sure what you mean by the role of genes.

 

Regardless I've said all I have to say on the topic of attractiveness and girls. In short not being attractive really doesn't matter. It's a big bonus for you if girls find you desirable just by looking at you but the fact you're not "sexy" doesn't mean that girls don't want you, it just means you have to impress them some other way. That's it. If a girl doesn't value the other things I mentioned over your appearance then she's not worth your time and doesn't deserve your affection.

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Myth    95

5'8 and you're insecure about your height? I'm 5'4 and couldn't give a single fuck. Quit being a bitch.  Also fuck shaving. Did you really use the term 'blue pill' on here? Jesus christ.

 

If I seem insensitive it's only because I was just like you at one point in my life and got over it simply by not giving a fuck about what other people think about me. No one is thinking about you as much as you think you are. To put it plainly, get over yourself.

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+Gojira    1706
5'4" shorty reporting in.

Looks do matter, but, and this applies to everything really, if they're holding you back in some way, you have to try your hardest to compensate with other qualities.

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Dawgy    2038
Not all girls like facial hair, man. In fact, most don't; it itches their face when you get intimate, and most don't like that.

Actually, most probably don't give a shit whether you have facial hair.


Honestly, just post a pic of yourself in this thread, and I will tell you if you're fucking ugly or not.
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Wilson    12515
Just tell her you love her, never fails.
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herbie ✌    1340
How old are you exactly?
I feel like this is something most people worry about in high school, as you mature you will be more confident in your own skin, and if you're worried about being short affecting your chances with ladies just date azn chicks.

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α    340

How old are you exactly?
I feel like this is something most people worry about in high school, as you mature you will be more confident in your own skin, and if you're worried about being short affecting your chances with ladies just date azn chicks.

turning 18 in a month

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Aaron    2010

you're 18. 

 

everyone is insecure at 18. you're just more vocal about it.

 

 

physically, keep hitting the gym. mentally grow up and understand whats important and what isn't. both will come with time. measure your progress and reflect back on how far you've come every so often. 

 

you don't need to be successful to be confident... but it does help. Have direction, know where you want to go and then get there. in your mind you should have a dream and then try to realise it. 

 

other than that quit being a little bitch. 

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confuse ray    4215

Not to be a downer, but it is highly unlikely that people actually have the time or inclination to give a fuck about you unless you stick out like a sore thumb (which you do not actually, stop over-thinking ffs)
 
like there is literally a guy at my school who wears a fedora has a neckbeard and ponytail combo who wears checkered fingerless gloves and a fucking dress vest as part of his daily uniform. Be worried when you start looking like that my nigga, otherwise keep your shit moving, cause everybody else is.



klevis?

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TFJ    618
Go to college. Get drunk. Do stuff to women.

Graduate college. Make money. Do stuff to men.

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but yea you're probably right. it's just that most confident people have things to be confident about, and i have to earn those things first before i can be confident, no? but other than that everything you mentioned are sound goals that i'll try to internalize


hey .,

good luck on your journey, you're gonna grow a lot, and it sounds like you already have, you're just not 100% willing to admit it to yourself. Think hard about why you aren't letting yourself be confident.

Look at babies, or young children who aren't self aware - these are some of the most confident people on the planet. If they want something, they just take it, if they're upset, they cry.

Babies simply dont give a fuck about anything and are 100% themselves, and that's really what confidence is.

You say people need reasons to be confident and that is 100% wrong. I have friends who are shorter, fatter, dumber and who make less money than me who are way more confident, simply because theyve fully accepted themselves for who they are.

It's something that can be really scary to do since we're always trained to be someone who we are not. 

 

Somehow from childhood to now, we lose that innate confidence that we are born with (confidence really is our birthright) and it can be a real struggle to get it back even though it is totally intuitive, if we just allow ourselves to be true to ourselves.

 

So just do some thinking and hopefully you will be able to express exactly why you feel like you aren't enough as is (My guess is your asian parents put a lot of pressure on you and deep down you resent them and are really really angry at them, I'd let that anger out in a healthy way, and just experience the anger until it dies down)

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+rei+    34506

Since we've already established that you're a much more interesting and complex person than any of the people's looks you were jealous of, this means all you have to do is get a girls attention and just like that you're instantly more desirable than all those other guys. As soon as you open your mouth and start talking to her she realises you're not just another surfer dude that watches too much MTV. THESE are the things you DO have to be confident about; Everything about you.

you are massively downplaying the role of looks
 
and yea it does seem too wishy-washy and bluepill, i think you are deemphasizing the role of genes wayy too much. but it's fine to delude ourselves even if we know deep down that looks matter since we can't change genes anyways, right?


"bluepill"
Get your head out of your ass.

Start attempting to derive value from yourself instead of what you think people should perceive you as. Stop buying into toxic mentalities. Be the best version of yourself and fuck everything else.
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