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Soul    7936

What I'm doing. To some this post might seem out of left field. But I've struggled to cope with my own existence for the past 5-6 years after HS. I'm sure many have, and I know we have several success stories on here as well.

 

I rarely post here anymore but I'm not sure where else to source what I'm looking for. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for myself. 

 

My life thus far has been a disappointment. My parents always viewed me as the "bread-winner". I've failed them thus far at that front, as I'm back home. I've struggled to cope with the daily grind that is my job and I feel as if I'm going to become one of the relics in my office that show up everyday for a paycheck just to survive. My hopes were always to pursue a master's and JD, leveraging that to bigger and better things, and networking with my peers from any prestigious uni that would accept me. This is looking more and more like a pipe dream. Turns out this costs money, a lot of it. Something I think is very difficult on my 60k salary, especially when you live in NJ/NY. I've found myself coping by dropping hundreds every week on liquor, weed and occasionally some blow when I'm feeling really down. I've considered personal help but I don't feel like it would work as my issues with my life being stagnant will remain. I have no one as my parents simply view me as a disappointment and my friends are rarely around due to them not having any semblance of a career nor any money to do anything.

 

Low point has been skyping with anyone who would listen to me, which happened to be a fellow DGZ'er, Satchmo while doing line after line, finishing an 8-ball and hoping I'd go into cardiac arrest or some shit to stop my anxiety. That or getting super shit faced with the receptionist at my job and making an ass of myself due to the relations being so fucking empty. 

 

Like I said, not sure what I'm looking for. Perhaps advice from someone who has struggled and gotten through this to actually materialize what they want. Because every day that goes by I feel like my aspirations are getting further and further away. Thanks for reading.

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+Digbick    7226

Youre still young soul!!

Have you thought about moving out of state. That might help with cost of living

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+canasian    4105
1 hour ago, digbick the pickleman said:

Youre still young soul!!

Have you thought about moving out of state. That might help with cost of living

The problem is that everyone knows that, so a 60k job in NY would pay 40k in Georgia

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Wumbologist    14198

I sort of know what you're going through. These years are a struggle. You want to be a success, you want a career that you're proud of and enjoy, you want to be rich, but you're stuck in wage slavery not knowing what to do. 

I'm 23 and I graduated from university 4 years ago. I've been working at my current job a bit over 3 years now and I've almost doubled my starting pay, and taken on much more responsibility from when I started. I've bought a house and a car. I'm in a great relationship. Yet despite all of this, I still find myself to be unhappy sometimes. I feel unfulfilled. I'm only 23 and I feel like time is slipping away. Like I'm wasting prime years of my life. Like I should've studied something different in college and went down a different career path. I look at other people's success and feel jealousy sometimes. I look at people who have founded successful companies when they were my age and feel like a failure. I feel like if I don't figure out something quick, I'm going to be stuck in a mediocre job, making mediocre money, with a mediocre life, forever. 

It's good to have ambition and big dreams, but you don't get everything you want right away. You have to stay focused and work hard for it. It's not going to come easily or quickly. This is what I'm trying to teach myself. 

If you really want to go back to school you will find a way to do it. That doesn't necessarily mean you're going to be able to sign up for fall semester, but start saving money, look into potential scholarships/grants, and even loans. Loans are scary, but if you're using them to get a degree with high earning potential (such as a JD like you mentioned) they can be worth it. 

Stop doing drugs. Stopping drinking would probably be a good idea too. Drugs are a big waste of money and they're bad for both your physical and mental health. Honestly, people who do drugs frequently are fucking losers. Yes I'm including weed in that statement, and I know that will probably offend some people here, but it's true. I look at people who post in the weed thread in CSK, most of them are the same people who have complained about not having money and/or being depressed. Weed (and other drugs) and alcohol only make both of those problems worse. 

Get sober and you can save the money you've been wasting on these bad habits, save your physical health, and save your mental health. Start there and more good things will follow.

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+rei+    34403

Get to a place that's cheaper to live but leverage your experience to keep the same pay

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+Paraliel+    8010

I really don't have any advice to give unfortunately, but I'm rooting for everything to get better Christian.

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SSJ Grumpig    5618

ease off the drinking and weed like wumbo said, those are the most important things. getting rid of them altogether cold turkey is stupid since they are your coping mechanism but ease them off; i am an alcoholic and come from a family of them, and you have the signs. also, heavy weed smoking can be a huge detriment to maintaining focus and willpower for your goals. you can either fall down the hole of alcohol and drugs, or you can build a bridge across it - there's no going around for people like us

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Grimey    8107

I support you brother if you ever need someone to talk to about things. I've been in that bad place a couple of times over the last few years (granted I am a young DGzer) and I know how rough it is. I hope everything gets better with you man. 

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»ACP    33376

At some point I just realized that I would never be happy at a "normal job" and thus have focused my entire life around avoiding such a thing. Wumbo's post is the nuts though; listen to him.

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8 hours ago, Soul said:

What I'm doing. To some this post might seem out of left field. But I've struggled to cope with my own existence for the past 5-6 years after HS. I'm sure many have, and I know we have several success stories on here as well.

 

I rarely post here anymore but I'm not sure where else to source what I'm looking for. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for myself. 

 

My life thus far has been a disappointment. My parents always viewed me as the "bread-winner". I've failed them thus far at that front, as I'm back home. I've struggled to cope with the daily grind that is my job and I feel as if I'm going to become one of the relics in my office that show up everyday for a paycheck just to survive. My hopes were always to pursue a master's and JD, leveraging that to bigger and better things, and networking with my peers from any prestigious uni that would accept me. This is looking more and more like a pipe dream. Turns out this costs money, a lot of it. Something I think is very difficult on my 60k salary, especially when you live in NJ/NY. I've found myself coping by dropping hundreds every week on liquor, weed and occasionally some blow when I'm feeling really down. I've considered personal help but I don't feel like it would work as my issues with my life being stagnant will remain. I have no one as my parents simply view me as a disappointment and my friends are rarely around due to them not having any semblance of a career nor any money to do anything.

 

Low point has been skyping with anyone who would listen to me, which happened to be a fellow DGZ'er, Satchmo while doing line after line, finishing an 8-ball and hoping I'd go into cardiac arrest or some shit to stop my anxiety. That or getting super shit faced with the receptionist at my job and making an ass of myself due to the relations being so fucking empty. 

 

Like I said, not sure what I'm looking for. Perhaps advice from someone who has struggled and gotten through this to actually materialize what they want. Because every day that goes by I feel like my aspirations are getting further and further away. Thanks for reading.

As someone who has an MBA and is preparing to get his JD/LLM (yea my name is gonna have a fuckton of letters next to it), trust me when I say it's not going to change anything. The main reason I am doing it is because I will have absolutely 0 debt. If anything, I honestly think you're better off without it. 

I also live in NY/NJ area so i get the expenses aspect.

However, it does seem like all of the problems you have are self-inflicted and it doesn't need to be that way. Tell me if I am wrong (and sorry if I am), but this is what I see. 

1. You put way too much pressure on yourself in the form of expectations from yourself and from others. I'm very much like you in the sense that I am the "breadwinner" in the family especially compared to my brothers. My parents expect a ton more out of me than they do of them. I was expected to get scholoarships for college, grad school, and law school to help with family finances. They have such a delusional belief in my ability to do with ease (because I make it look easy). So I get the pressure and how unfair it can feel. 

Furthermore, these expectations of being able to do that with ease or that an unrealistic goal/expectation is possible because it's me doing that are so deep-rooted that I am upset with myself when I fall short of both their expectations, and consequently, my own even if they are/were unrealistic. In fact, that word, unrealistic, is so foreign to me and my personality that I don't accept that it can be a reality in my world. That's how instilled that delusional belief in my capabilities can be. 

Just to point out, there is a difference between not believing anything is out of the realm of your capabilities, and succeeding in any scenario, no matter how absurd, because you should. The former is healthy. The latter is a delusion that creates unrealistic expectation and causes stress. I think this and the above kind of comes in play for you and realizing the difference is important. 

Right now, you expected to be at a different point in life, and you are behind that. THAT IS PERFECTLY NORMAL AND OKAY. It isn't a sign of failure. 

2. Your work environment is toxic. This is probably the #1 cause of your stress right now. Idk what goes on at work for you, but it sounds like that you don't enjoy it there, and the work has nothing to do with what you're passionate about. It also sounds like you don't have a strong work group of friends. That is why it's an irritating grind, and the fact that you know you have to keep going back to it the next day and repeat the cycle is why you constantly feel the need to escape from it in any happiness you can find (booze, weed, liquor) 

What are you passionate about? Forget about what you want to do with your life for a second. Doing what makes you happy (inb4 coke)? If there is something, that is what you need to start doing. You don't have to quit your job, but in some way you have to reconnect with whatever that is. Your work environment is stressing you out, and you go home to wait for it....nothing. You have nothing to give you a reason to get up in the morning. That has to change.

Steve Jobbs really said it best when he said that he wakes up in the morning and looks at himself in the mirror and asks himself if he really wants to do what he has to do today. If he looks happy and excited to do it. If the answer was no for too many days, something has to change. 

I am getting my JD/LLM, but do you know what I am truly passionate about? It's football. I love football. I would want to be a GM if I could. I love scouting players and ranking them. I love the poker game that is the NFL Draft. I love the analytics of it. I love trying to predict other ppl to find value and assemble the best team. People have described me as the most knowledgeable person they know and the way I talk about it and get enthusiastic about it as abnormal. Btw pro tip: if someone tells you that youre too into something or that you find normal ppl dont share your level of excitement over it, that is what your passionate about. 

I study for law school and its stressful and horrible at times. Do you know how I deal with it? I promise myself that I am going to do something football related every day. Whether it's a research paper on how to solve the issue of not having a QB or watching film to organize a draftboard, I promise myself that if I get my work done, I can do that for the rest of the day. 

You need to reconnect with whatever your passionate about. You need to remember what it feels like to have something to be excited about. If you can, find ppl who share that interest or that you can talk about that interest with. You need to pursue it. That doesn't mean you have to drop everything ( I obv didn't), but you need to have that in your life or you will never be happy. If you can do something you love and make money doing it, that is fantastic and you are extremely lucky (or capable). You need something to look forward to. 

3. You need people in you life that care about you, not that expect of you. 

I am not saying that your parents don't love or care about you, but idt that they show it well. Furthermore, they expect so much of you that you begin to think that your worth is directly tied to fulfilling their and your expectations (unhealthy). I'm sure if you talked to your parents they'd tell you they care and that they know you'll be fine and don't expect anything other than for you to be happy, but you're in a place right now where all those years of instilled belief will prevent you from truly believing that. 

You need people outside of your family who accept you for who you are, and don't have any expectations of you. You need a support system beyond your family. They will kind reset your expectations of things, and most importantly when they tell you things that will help you, you will believe them. I am sure you have ppl like that in your life, but you need to see them more regularly and hang out with them. If nothing else, it gives you an escape from the sources of drama that got you to where you are now. 

I'm hear to talk just drop me a pm, a skype or w/e. I feel like I can be an immense help to you because I have been where you were at.  

 

 

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6 hours ago, TRUMPOLOGIST said:

I sort of know what you're going through. These years are a struggle. You want to be a success, you want a career that you're proud of and enjoy, you want to be rich, but you're stuck in wage slavery not knowing what to do. 

I'm 23 and I graduated from university 4 years ago. I've been working at my current job a bit over 3 years now and I've almost doubled my starting pay, and taken on much more responsibility from when I started. I've bought a house and a car. I'm in a great relationship. Yet despite all of this, I still find myself to be unhappy sometimes. I feel unfulfilled. I'm only 23 and I feel like time is slipping away. Like I'm wasting prime years of my life. Like I should've studied something different in college and went down a different career path. I look at other people's success and feel jealousy sometimes. I look at people who have founded successful companies when they were my age and feel like a failure. I feel like if I don't figure out something quick, I'm going to be stuck in a mediocre job, making mediocre money, with a mediocre life, forever. 

It's good to have ambition and big dreams, but you don't get everything you want right away. You have to stay focused and work hard for it. It's not going to come easily or quickly. This is what I'm trying to teach myself. 

If you really want to go back to school you will find a way to do it. That doesn't necessarily mean you're going to be able to sign up for fall semester, but start saving money, look into potential scholarships/grants, and even loans. Loans are scary, but if you're using them to get a degree with high earning potential (such as a JD like you mentioned) they can be worth it. 

Stop doing drugs. Stopping drinking would probably be a good idea too. Drugs are a big waste of money and they're bad for both your physical and mental health. Honestly, people who do drugs frequently are fucking losers. Yes I'm including weed in that statement, and I know that will probably offend some people here, but it's true. I look at people who post in the weed thread in CSK, most of them are the same people who have complained about not having money and/or being depressed. Weed (and other drugs) and alcohol only make both of those problems worse. 

Get sober and you can save the money you've been wasting on these bad habits, save your physical health, and save your mental health. Start there and more good things will follow.

This post is great except for the bolded. Do not get a JD for the money. Do not get a JD for the money. And especially DO NOT GO INTO DEBT TO GET A JD. 

The only time where it is somewhat acceptable to do the above is if you go to a t14 law school. For an MBA, top 3 (harvard, yale, wharton). 

 

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+rei+    34403

Do not get a JD. Holy fuck do not get a JD. (If you just want a higher paying job you have IT experience and you can probably leverage it way better; and holy fuck being a lawyer is the worst thing ever)

 

 

Talk to a doctor and see if medication might be an appropriate solution for you. I mean sure I'm basically a pothead cliche, but I had no drive or motivation since I was like 9 years old for some things and I just let those behaviours fester. How else do you think someone becomes a 325 lbs neckbearded basement dweller? And what's really been a boost for me has been taking an antidepressant - I win the internal battles now when I try and talk myself out of something. I've been to the gym every other day for the last month, I've been more active in keeping the DG infrastructure working, I'm working harder at my new, better job, and I'm being much more aware of my budget and calorie intakes. Yeah I still smoke weed a lot and sometimes I don't pick the healthiest option, but if there's a voice in my head saying not to I have no trouble listening to that voice. That was the gamechanger I needed - there's a lot of stigma around medication but it's at least worth talking to a doctor about how you're feeling - and be honest with him about everything he's not gonna narc you out or anything (... hell mine prescribed me weed) .

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Aaron    1979

I've been at the point of failure many times in my life when I was younger. I've had people doubt me. I've had my teachers in high school and college say I'm not ready to be a doctor, I won't get the grades, my attitude is shitty... I've been the obese kid in primary school who got bullied for being fat as fuck, now I hover around 6-11% body fat, fitness modelled  etc. Nothing is set in stone in life. Life isn't a book or cliche TV series with an obvious ending. You're the writer of your own story but its up to you to make your own ending.  

 

You have to take a step back and think is what you dream of what you really want. Then take the necessary steps to get there. Your dream you detailed is quite vague, you need something a bit more clear so that you can organise yourself and have goals you need to hit.

 

You need to quit the alcohol, weed and blow. Alcohol et al is for celebrating, not as a time waste. 

 

You have be hungry... I finished an 8AM to 8PM on-call shift today. I then spent an extra 45 minutes at work with an ill patient, left work and went straight to the gym, worked out for 1.5 hours, now I'm going to sleep, and wake up at 7AM to do another 12 hour shift. I do this and I'm successful. If I wasn't or if I was struggling, could you imagine the work I'd put in? I can tell you, it was waking up at 5AM, studying until 2AM, and then rinsing and repeating until my body and mind forced me to rest. 

 

 

 

I would also advise if possible, move out of the family home. Move cities if you need to. Independence, standing on your own two feet.. it gives you  more hunger, it makes you more grown up etc. Worst cased scenario, you fuck up and need to move back home... big deal since thats where you are at the moment right? The biggest reason to stay at home is if you're generation a huge capital to buy a place. If your job isn't allowing you do that, move out and gain the myriad of advantages to living out. 

 

 

Try not to make too many excuses.

 

If you're really struggling with your anxiety, consider medical help. Also I hate to say this but sometimes success and dreams aren't for everyone. You need to balance your mental and physical wellbeing with your goals and titrate them accordingly. You need a mechanism or plan to control this anxiety you're experiencing which isn't weed/alcohol. It could be medication, it could be sport, it could be a TV show or movie.. but it should be something not counter productive.

 

Wayne Rooney, a footballer in the UK, cheated on his wife. The media turned on him, and his manager offered him time off. He rejected the time off and wanted to play in the next match. He scored in that game. He revealed afterwards that not playing would be the worst possible scenario for him. He used work as a means to escape from the stresses and thats a really important mechanism to have in place. When I'm stressed, I workout or I stay at work and gain more experience. I could easily go to a bar and have a few drinks but its that ability to turn a negative emotion into something productive and positive. 

 

As someone else already said, you're young. If you were 35 and saying this shit, you MIGHT have a case.. but anyone in their 20s has plenty of time to turn their shit around. 

 

 

 

Also please don't put too much stress on what is successful in your life. Theres success in work, but likewise there is success in body, money, mind, relationships, friendships and realising what is important. Try not to lose sight of that. I know I do a lot. 

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Jazz    4945

The above advice is really good. But I wanted to add something:

It sounds like you need a productive hobby, in part to replace recreational drinking/drug use (which I think you recognize that you're overdoing it and need to take a step back), but also to provide fulfillment outside of work. I believe that's really important in life and sometimes our culture doesn't value it enough. Did you play any sports in HS? You could find a pick-up/rec thing. Or some outdoor sports activities. Running/cycling. Being in the northeast, now's the perfect time of year to get into something like that. This would be a 2-birds-1-stone type of deal, because the physical exercise would also boost your mental well-being.

Sorry if the sport suggestion is not your cup of tea, but you mentioned you were happier in high school. A simple answer might be to look back at your life in high school and get back into some of the productive recreational activities you were doing. Whatever they were. Art, sports, etc.

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+rei+    34403

Also worth noting just as an aside - you define what success is; your parents dont

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Jazz    4945

Wait a second. You make 60K and live with your parents? Why not move out and get an apartment? Or find a better job that would require you to move out, even if it's in the city?

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3 hours ago, Jazz said:

Wait a second. You make 60K and live with your parents? Why not move out and get an apartment? Or find a better job that would require you to move out, even if it's in the city?

I mean I'm sure you know this, but it's expensive as fuck to live in NY. Idt moving out would help him much right now since he seems pretty isolated from ppl in general. All that would do is add to the stress most likely. 

 

 

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On 6/6/2016 at 0:14 AM, Francis J Underwood said:

I mean I'm sure you know this, but it's expensive as fuck to live in NY. Idt moving out would help him much right now since he seems pretty isolated from ppl in general. All that would do is add to the stress most likely. 

 

 

 

Definitely not true. I live in a brand new 3 year old building in brooklyn right next to prospect park - theres nothing in terms of nightlife in my neighborhood (I only drink free beer at work so I don't miss it at all). I pay 650 a month for rent for a perfect sized bedroom. Yeah I have 3 roomates (master is split by a couple which helps immensely with the cost) but I spend less in a month living in NYC than some of my coworkers spend JUST on their rent.

 

Christian there are amazing opportunities in front of you man. You are in arguably the greatest city in the world. What matters more is your definition of success and what you focus your energy on. Life is hard. like REALLY REALLY HARD. Its important to just take it one step at a time. And I would try to not go into debt. Playing from behind is never a nice place to be in. Living with your parents is fucking awesome for this reason (I lived at home when i was 24 until i moved out). yeah it sucks socially but you are living rent free. How awesome is that?

 

Sounds like what you need to do is reframe the things you see as negatives into a way that is more positive. Otherwise you will never be happy or feel like you've made it no matter what you do or how much money you make

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