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How I caught someone cheating by taking a shit

43 posts in this topic

To get everyone up to speed, I'm a teaching assistant at my university (this is to pay for my grad school). My duties include grading, proctoring tests, and some classroom interaction with the students.

 

Anyways, today I had to proctor test. These tests all last for 2 hours, but I had only 1 hour of proctoring time (the second half of test). So anyways, I'm scheduled to be in there from 2-3 PM. I end up getting there a bit early, like 1:40. Clearly this is the optimal time to take a massive shit (time management is key in grad school, so yes I do try to optimize the timing of my dumps).

 

There's a bathroom right outside of where the testing center is, so I go in there. Three stalls, all unoccupied. I take the middle one. I'm in there for some time. At first it's business as usual, but towards the end of my shit, some dude sits in the stall to my right. He starts saying, "Hey," "Excuse me," and so on, and I realize that this guy is actually trying to get my attention, which is a little weird. I acknowledge his inter-stall-ar attempts at communication (yes, this is a pun) and after doing so he prompts me with a request for a pen.

 

I have no idea what is going on at this point, but coincidentally I did bring my backpack with me in the stall, lucky him. I dig around in my backpack for a pen (it's not very organized), but I come up short, only to find a pencil. I ask, "Is a pencil, ok?" to which he replies, "Are you sure you don't have a pen?" This is odd, as I can't imagine what he's up to and what difference it makes whether he has a pencil or pen. I tell him that I don't have a pen (even though I probably could find a pen if I dug around long enough) and he accepts my offering.

 

After I finish up and go to wash my hands, I realize that there's another TA waiting by the washing area. When someone needs to use the bathroom during a test, they have to be escorted by a TA to they can try to make sure that no cheaty shenanigans go down in the bathroom. I ask the TA if the other guy is his student, and he responds affirmatively. Now realizing that I just helped a student cheat on his test I explain everything that just transpired. After the bastard gets out his stall, we nail him for cheating. Turns out that he had his phone in his pocket (fucking Urthor strikes again), and looked up some formulas to write down on toilet paper. He just needed my pencil to do so. But we didn't let him get away with it. GG.

 

And that's how I caught someone cheating by taking a shit. I mean what better way is there to catch someone cheating really?

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I thought the story would be about some guy fucking his girlfriend's sister in the stall next to yours.

 

Cool story but I'm disappointed.

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Lmao thats some stupid shit. It's weird how your uni works tho cause here during exams you can't leave the room or you won't be allowed to finish plus there are like 6 people walking around that are watching your every move. If he made it out the toilet, would he have even gotten away with it in class?

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Yeah, we don't want to tell people that they can't use the bathroom for 2 hours in a row. His plan was pretty shitty overall. There were so many ways that it could go wrong. Yeah, when he probably gets back to his seat we're going to notice if he has toilet paper with formulas on it. We've got like 5 proctors watching about 200 people, but odds are one of us would've caught him.

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do you have an obligation to turn him in?

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I mean it is part of my job. The whole point of proctoring a test is to make sure that no one cheats.

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Not sure what university you're at, but this is pretty well-known cheating tactic at our university so professor's basically say that if you need to take a shit during an exam then you're sol even with an escort. I've heard from professors of that form of cheating, as well as hiding cheat sheets and phones in the toilet paper dispenser/toilet cover dispenser. Most classes I've taken have precautions in place to prevent most types of cheating, ie no leaving the room and swapping of blue books (the like 50 cent books of blank paper), but I'm sure people have even crazier shit they do since people like spending more time finding creative ways to cheat rather than just learning the material.

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what a fucking idiot. why didn't he bring a pen for the plan or ask someone in a not suspicious place? what the fuck? 

 

man i have cheated a lot (but mind you, it still wasn't all that common because of the risk factor) and ive never been caught cheating. its usually easiest with team work but i dont know if it would be as easy or worth it in university. 

 

also its not because i dont know the material that i have. it's that i didnt want to fucking do my work but i wanted a grade. 

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Posts about poop are usually of highest quality.

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4 hours ago, Markus. said:

what a fucking idiot. why didn't he bring a pen for the plan or ask someone in a not suspicious place? what the fuck? 

 

man i have cheated a lot (but mind you, it still wasn't all that common because of the risk factor) and ive never been caught cheating. its usually easiest with team work but i dont know if it would be as easy or worth it in university. 

 

also its not because i dont know the material that i have. it's that i didnt want to fucking do my work but i wanted a grade. 

 

Bad Markus.

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gj

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Throughout high school my tactic was stolen straight from a movie no one ever saw where a dude wrote "crazy small" on the inside of a gum wrapper and used that the whole time. Never caught and only got a stern look for chewing gum in class. If someone found the wrapper, I'd just swallow the gum since the writing was too small for a comparison. 

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my tactic was to never study and be a perpetual b+ student honestly 

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1 minute ago, rei said:

my tactic was to never study and be a perpetual b+ student honestly 

literally this. i literally have never studied in my whole life for school. i made a literal 100% on a 200 question final and never studied and slept in her class all day. thats how difficult school work is.

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6 minutes ago, Markus. said:

literally this. i literally have never studied in my whole life for school. i made a literal 100% on a 200 question final and never studied and slept in her class all day. thats how difficult school work is.

this dicked me over pretty hard in university though not at all in college except for my last few exams which i actually studied for

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Just now, rei said:

this dicked me over pretty hard in university though not at all in college except for my last few exams which i actually studied for

thanks 4 the warning ill be sure to study in those.

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Just now, Markus. said:

thanks 4 the warning ill be sure to study in those.

 

The transition is difficult.

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for me it was just the sheer volume of work to be read who the ufck wants to read 800 pages a week 

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holy fuck no. no no no no no. i never want that. fuck university is going to be fucking gay. christ im gonna be so angry at everything if i have to deal with that.

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dont take philosophy, history, poli sci, or law

 

or just dont go to a good school lol 

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I started Becker today

 

my entire life is studying for the next ~8 months

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e97f8eeaf4e9e1a18f780dbca5895aca.png

 

I'm not actually in math, but I'd imagine that if your class wasn't super keen, you could get one of those calculators with a lid and then change the text there to be relevant formulas or some shit instead of actually studying

 

85d1bb79ec8cb48fb186abee4b1165d0.png

 

 

3 hours ago, rei said:

dont take philosophy, history, poli sci, or law

 

or just dont go to a good school lol 

 

In the span of a month I've had to write about 7000 non-shitpost words and then read about five times that amount

 

Never do poli sci

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