Jump to content
Aaron

Being honest / being the best / being right.. and why its ultimately wrong

Recommended Posts

Aaron    2010

I'd say my most prevalent qualities in regards to personality are

 

1. honesty

2. intellectual breakdown of circumstances to deduce who is in the right/wrong

3. being ambitious

 

and ultimately how these 3 things are actually very limiting in regards to forming relationships and getting a positive impact for yourself. I'd say its far better to be relaxed, easy going, speak white lies and rarely tell people the truth.

 

 

I'm naturally from the age of 18 or so, very honesty, i'm ready to admit when I'm wrong but likewise I expect the same from others and I'm very ambitious in a logical way. For example... weight loss. I've never "tried to lose a bit of weight". I go on a strict caloric deficit when I have to with weight resisted training with the aim to attain sub 10% bodyfat in a small as possible timeframe. People get really really uncomfortable by this and passive aggressive. This seems to piss people off. I have people in work who have been "dieting" for months. One colleague asked me last week as I was eating doughnuts and cookie dough with my friend, "I thought u were cutting"... I was like I finished my cut, I'm pretty ripped now so its all done for summer. I could see the passive aggression painted over his face and its just weird.

 

 

Similarly at home, in arguments involving family.. logically I can say 80% of the time I'm in the right, or specifically with my sister probably 95% of the time. However.. being right and expressing why you're in the right can actually have really negative consequences on relationships compared to a white lie or just accepting blame and moving on. 

 

Similarly I hate people who are nervous or wound tightly. I'm very relaxed and in control of nearly every element of my life professonally and logistically during the day. If I order a cab for work at 8:15AM and the cab comes at 8:10 or 8:05... its no big deal for me, they can either wait or I'll go out early.. whichever happens first.... but I see some people I live with getting visibly anxious the cab is there.... 

 

 

Has anyone encountered revelations such as these as they've grown up? 

 

 

 

TLDR:

 

THE TRUTH HURTS

PPL ALREADY KNOW THE TRUTH BUT DONT WANT TO HEAR IT

TELLING PPL THE TRUTH TO SOLVE PPLS PROBLEMS MAKES THEM ANGRY BECAUSE THEY CBA TO SOLVE THEM

PPL ARE VERY JEALOUS 

ANXIOUS PEOPLE ARE ANNOYING AS FUCK

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Faint    5725

aaron have you ever read "How to win friends and influence people"? honestly i think you should give it a read - it'll really be useful for you 

 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0091906814/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1531304378&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people

 

i mean honesty is great but what i look for in people and what i like seeing in people is twofold;

 

1) ambition / drive

2) intelligence or ability to be "economic" or "commercial" in how they operate - working smart rather than hard

 

if you combine the two then you have a winner. honesty for example is a nice quality to have but hardly an essential to be successful imo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I never lie as a general rule but sometimes it is the best policy to not poke a hole in a person's reality. Just leave it be instead of having a needless and pointless confrontation. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Aaron    2010
Posted (edited)
15 hours ago, Faint said:

aaron have you ever read "How to win friends and influence people"? honestly i think you should give it a read - it'll really be useful for you 

 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0091906814/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1531304378&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people

 

i mean honesty is great but what i look for in people and what i like seeing in people is twofold;

 

1) ambition / drive

2) intelligence or ability to be "economic" or "commercial" in how they operate - working smart rather than hard

 

if you combine the two then you have a winner. honesty for example is a nice quality to have but hardly an essential to be successful imo

 

dont get me wrong, im not in some kind of mental rut where i need a self help book.. this post is moreso an observation of what i've seen the general populations response is to what are normally thought of as good traits. 

 

 

 

i really appreciate honesty and value it as a rare quality. 

 

 

ambition and drive are quite vague terms. presuming u mean it in terms of career/travelling/money... ambition and drive in my life are very common. most of my friends earn 100k+ and are lawyers/doctors/bankers. the last girl i dated was self made millionaire who has just bought a new aventador. i dont really rate shit like that very highly anymore. 

 

i used to appreciate people who are good with managing their efficiency in regards to working smarter rather than harder but i also recently really respect people who have a genuine love & passion for things and go above and beyond and forfeit efficiency for enjoying the moment in their work. 

for example in my line of work, i feel im comfortably one of my best in regards to my grade. however i see other people far less efficient, leaving later from work but they have a larger sense of enjoyment from it. 

Edited by Aaron

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, Aaron said:

 

 

i wouldnt say im in a mental rut where i need a self help book lol.

 

 

Imb4 you think your atp in your life where you should be the one writing the self-help book

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Haruki    9169
17 hours ago, Faint said:

aaron have you ever read "How to win friends and influence people"? honestly i think you should give it a read - it'll really be useful for you 

 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0091906814/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1531304378&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people

 

i mean honesty is great but what i look for in people and what i like seeing in people is twofold;

 

1) ambition / drive

2) intelligence or ability to be "economic" or "commercial" in how they operate - working smart rather than hard

 

if you combine the two then you have a winner. honesty for example is a nice quality to have but hardly an essential to be successful imo

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Talk_Dirty_and_Influence_People

  • Haha 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Aaron    2010
Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, TheGoldenTyranno said:

Imb4 you think your atp in your life where you should be the one writing the self-help book

 

self help book = quick cash grab 

everyone is at the right point in their life for that 

 

 

i think 2-3 years ago i would have agreed w/faint... intelligence, being efficient and ambition/drive were the most important qualities.

 

nowadays i much rather value someone who is honest, relaxed/easygoing, not wound up so tight, spontaneous, active and adventurous.  

Edited by Aaron
  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
+Sophocles    2991
On 11-7-2018 at 0:07 PM, Aaron said:

 

2. intellectual breakdown of circumstances to deduce who is in the right/wrong

 

Similarly at home, in arguments involving family.. logically I can say 80% of the time I'm in the right, or specifically with my sister probably 95% of the time. However.. being right and expressing why you're in the right can actually have really negative consequences on relationships compared to a white lie or just accepting blame and moving on. 

 

 

 

These two excerpts are kind of weird, I don't think in half or more personal conflicts w/ family and friends there's one 'right' side, as if they cut you off in traffic when you have right of way. Mostly it's about having different priorities and values. (Unless you have shitty family and friends I guess)

 

I'm not the most honest person in the world but I avoid/de-escalate conflict a lot. I wouldn't say I do that by telling people white lies or what they want to hear but just by listening to them and not digging my heels in.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Aaron    2010
Posted (edited)
23 minutes ago, Sophocles said:

 

These two excerpts are kind of weird, I don't think in half or more personal conflicts w/ family and friends there's one 'right' side, as if they cut you off in traffic when you have right of way. Mostly it's about having different priorities and values. (Unless you have shitty family and friends I guess)

 

I'm not the most honest person in the world but I avoid/de-escalate conflict a lot. I wouldn't say I do that by telling people white lies or what they want to hear but just by listening to them and not digging my heels in.

 

i dont mean right or wrong in terms of conflicts.

 

i mean right/wrong in terms of fact a lot of the time and ppl getting butt hurt and wanting to sugarcoat shit when they're just wrong. 

 

its like when u hear 2 people talking about football when they know nothing about football. 

 

for example in work, i had 2 people debating fluid management for a patient for a patient who had heart failure and a low BP, most likely going to arrest and die. they basically gave the patient some small fluid boluses 250ml as per what ur taught when u start becoming a dr. i told them they are wrong by highlighting the importance of adequete fluid resuscitation when someones BP is in the shitter <sub 50 was this patients and that the risk of hypoxic brain injury etc. over tipping them into ccf when they dont have any symptoms or evidence of ccf at this point in time. the whole 250ml bolus shit really doesnt apply to this situation given the pt hx and pc. 

Edited by Aaron

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Faint    5725
7 hours ago, Aaron said:

 

self help book = quick cash grab 

everyone is at the right point in their life for that 

 

 

i think 2-3 years ago i would have agreed w/faint... intelligence, being efficient and ambition/drive were the most important qualities.

 

nowadays i much rather value someone who is honest, relaxed/easygoing, not wound up so tight, spontaneous, active and adventurous.  

Fyi it is a self help book but it is the one every top ceo and director etc tells you to read. Helped me a lot with social situations in the workplace, prioritizing, general life outlook etc. It's not a "be so Zen lol" more of advice on how to react and influence other people to get what you want out of them (not in a bad way or conditioning way lol)

 

I mean i may be a few years behind u then but a drive to succeed in life is a fundamental quality in anyone I want to be hanging around with, lack of ambition irritates me to no end

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Aaron    2010
Posted (edited)
30 minutes ago, Faint said:

Fyi it is a self help book but it is the one every top ceo and director etc tells you to read. Helped me a lot with social situations in the workplace, prioritizing, general life outlook etc. It's not a "be so Zen lol" more of advice on how to react and influence other people to get what you want out of them (not in a bad way or conditioning way lol)

 

I mean i may be a few years behind u then but a drive to succeed in life is a fundamental quality in anyone I want to be hanging around with, lack of ambition irritates me to no end

ill give it a read. 

 

 

 

 

yup ur right.. when ur younger its really important because there are some people who are dead ends just waiting to waste your time.

 

however i'd say being around ambitious and driven people is only as important as much as it affects you. i think there comes a point in time when you don't need someone influencing you to do something or a positive environment reinforcing good behaviour. for example when i was younger, it helped to be around people who went to the gym. now going to the gym is like brushing my teeth much alike work. i dont care if im on holiday with some fat asses who want to stay in hungover or if im with my friends who fitness model... i go to the gym when i need to.

 

i think that roughly translates to work too.  of course you can stay in that environment with those ppl  but i think the main drawback is it creates a very narrow-minded and concentrated environment which actually ends up limiting you. i know its obvious but balance is REALLY important. 

 

for example, my friend is an orthopedic surgeon and i can honestly say his "ambition" has pretty much made his life semi-autistic. he lives and loves going to theatre. he has no job satisfaction in regards to patient care, his job satisfaction is centred around the actual surgery and being able to one-up other people. he has no social life, hes missed his kids first steps/first words and had to live away from his child + wife due to work for 2-3 years. He's put on a lot of weight and he has very self-limiting beliefs to try and re-inforce what hes done is right despite the fact that he's not even benefited money-wise. hes only just now decided to cut his training short for a bit and concentrate on his work life balance / investments / family life. 

 

and he wasn't like that before qualifying, he was actually fairly normal with a grounded perspective on whats important and what isn't but very "ambitous" environments can make your whole view of the world really skewed.. then u realise it sometimes too late. 

 

 

 

 

 

TBH i think what u describe in ur mind as ambition IS important. I couldn't date a girl for example who wasn't ambitous at all. As in, we really couldn't hold a conversation with much chemistry because there'd be so much in regards to conflicting notions on life... but I'd easily trade a 10/10 ambition for a 7/10 ambition who is more relaxed. 

Edited by Aaron

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
+rei+    34506

if anyone ever recommends reading rich dad poor dad kick them in the nuts

 

 

also im a corporation now i feel cool 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
+rei+    34506

100% of my issues come from impulse control problems and crippling laziness

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Faint    5725
9 hours ago, rei said:

100% of my issues come from impulse control problems and crippling laziness

Idk about laziness but impulse control is something I have bad as well haha I am a lot more reactive than I would like and am working in that

I now taje an extra 2 seconds silence before i speak in literally any situation. Sometimes ithelps, sometimes it doesn't haha

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Aaron    2010
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Faint said:

Idk about laziness but impulse control is something I have bad as well haha I am a lot more reactive than I would like and am working in that

I now taje an extra 2 seconds silence before i speak in literally any situation. Sometimes ithelps, sometimes it doesn't haha

 

 

i think being impulsive is good. 

we are taught so many things when we're young.. like to think before this, think before that, talk like this, talk like that.. 

 

but the best power in life imo is the freedom to do whatever the fuck u wanna do lol. 

 

in work I see A LOT of doctors acting completely differently to how they are outside to the extent i feel like they're in an emotional prison. if i ever had to do that, I'd honestly contemplate just quitting. 

 

 

impulse control with shit things like food is a pain in the ass but my belief is u put urself in a position where u can then give in to ur impulses. for example if ur working out 5x a week, around 10-12% bodyfat, u can give into ur impulses quite a lot and aslong as you're not shovelling in 5k calories/day, you will not get fat until winter.  likewise if ur good at ur job, u can act however u want.

Edited by Aaron

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
+Urthor    10202
15 hours ago, rei said:

if anyone ever recommends reading rich dad poor dad kick them in the nuts

 

 

also im a corporation now i feel cool 

 

That book is actually accurate the fuck you on? 

 

It just misses the part which involves month by month household budgeting, but it's perfectly correct.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
+rei+    34506

You can literally sum up all its good advise to 'real estate is usually a good investment' and is huge on the factual errors and its written by someone who's general method of wealth is fraud so...


 

Kiyosaki is not someone qualified to give more than the most general financial advice

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
+rei+    34506

the law breaking advice im pretty sure every IT contracter I've ever met does 

(honestly that article kind of annoys me because it mixes good points with 'he used to be called BOB now he wants to be called ROBERT') 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
+rei+    34506

Most commo nexamples: Home office and internet line 'for business use only' (tax deductible) 

Vacations where you spend an hour meeting with a 'prospective client' 

Hiring a spouse to qualify for lower private health insurance rates

Using priv'd information for investments

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
+Urthor    10202

Maybe I'm only remembering the bit on understanding assets vs liabilities which is basic financial advice 101, okay fair point that real estate advice lul.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
+Silver    963

tbh i always try to be right

 

and it sucks

 

i feel like just telling people what they like to hear is the best going forward

 

but i cant. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×