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Carbon

Would you date a recovering addict?

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Carbon    1876

The title kind of says it all. 

I'm pretty unsure what to do at this point. I recently moved to a new state and didn't know very many people. One night I met this girl who was decently attractive and we hit it off. We've been hanging out for about 2-3 weeks now, but since the first night she stayed over at my place I knew something was off. After a while she opened up to me and told me that she was addicted to heroin for about a year and she is currently on a generic form of Xanax (Prescribed by a doctor, but still).

Everyday she has to drive to a clinic for methadone and occasionally during the day she slightly nods out/talks weird. She isn't doing it as bad as someone who is currently using. I fully believe that she isn't still using because we've spent entire days together and it still happens sometimes. Usually when she's sitting still not doing much. Sh's cute and the sex is pretty decent but I feel like I can hardly have intelligence conversations. 

She's a nice girl and I think I like her a little, but I don't know what to do and I'd like to hear other people's thoughts. Part of me thinks I'm just with her because I don't know many people and she stops me from being lonely/horny. Another part of me things that if I just give her time then eventually everything would be okay. However I've never used hard drugs or had any issues like this in my life and I think inviting her into my life will ultimately add these types of situations into my life which I don't want. Should I wait it out and see if she gets better? Should i just stop talking to her because it'll likely add bad situations into my life? Should i use the situation while I can to get some nuts in and end it with her later? I don't wanna be an asshole to her because I'm sure she's struggling but I feel like it'll put a damper in my well-being. 

 

What should I do?
What would you do?
Do you have any experience with this? 

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I mean tbh if u really truly like her and u can confirm that she's solidly on recovery it shouldn't be an issue. But realize if u go deep into this a day will come where she'll likely expect strong support emotionally and otherwise because it's tough being a recovering addict and potential for relapse rears it's ugly head sometimes. Tbh if ur hoping for an easy relationship it'll likely disappoint u. As u mention she also can't provide the intelligent conversation u'd like to have by the sound of it. Is the sex worth dealing with a broken dumb girl? If she can't provide ur needs in a relationship(beyond sex) and u don't think u'll be able to provide her needs(beyond sex) ask her if she's willing to cont. as a no strings attached sex relationship or if that's not what u/her/both want u should part ways and find people who can provide what u need. 

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+rei+    34657

yes with a few caveats - you should be able to openly and honestly discuss this with her 

 

1: Make sure you and her get tested - injectables are no joke, so make sure everything is good there

2: Discuss action plans for worst case scenarios and whats expected there 

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+rei+    34657

is her name poppy on fb? sounds like exact girl i was talkin to for a while rofl 

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5 minutes ago, rei said:

yes with a few caveats - you should be able to openly and honestly discuss this with her 

 

1: Make sure you and her get tested - injectables are no joke, so make sure everything is good there

2: Discuss action plans for worst case scenarios and whats expected there 

This too^

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Carbon    1876
2 hours ago, TheGoldenTyranno said:

I mean tbh if u really truly like her and u can confirm that she's solidly on recovery it shouldn't be an issue. But realize if u go deep into this a day will come where she'll likely expect strong support emotionally and otherwise because it's tough being a recovering addict and potential for relapse rears it's ugly head sometimes. Tbh if ur hoping for an easy relationship it'll likely disappoint u. As u mention she also can't provide the intelligent conversation u'd like to have by the sound of it. Is the sex worth dealing with a broken dumb girl? If she can't provide ur needs in a relationship(beyond sex) and u don't think u'll be able to provide her needs(beyond sex) ask her if she's willing to cont. as a no strings attached sex relationship or if that's not what u/her/both want u should part ways and find people who can provide what u need. 

I guess I know this, but it just seems hard for me to impliment. 
I don't mind having a relationship that's difficult. Most of them are. This is a different kind of difficult though. Am I an asshole if I simply want nothing to do with that life though? I'm telling myself that if she ever used again that I'd walk away instantly but it's only been a few weeks. I don't want to be together for a year then a relapse happens because I feel like it wouldn't be fair to just leave at that point. I'm not sure if I'm thinking selfishly or justifiably. 
I do like the girl but you pretty much hit the nail on the head with "Dumb broken girl" When her symptoms aren't showing she's awesome. Smart and funny and sassy but once they start showing she becomes a wreck sometimes I wish I were somewhere else. Thinking of the future she doesn't seem like somebody I'd exactly want to bring home to mom and have my mom ask why she's passing out at 3pm. Also unfortunately she wouldn't have sex with me until we were dating which I GUESS is something good but it does rule out trying to turn it into a fwb situation.

2 hours ago, rei said:

yes with a few caveats - you should be able to openly and honestly discuss this with her 

 

1: Make sure you and her get tested - injectables are no joke, so make sure everything is good there

2: Discuss action plans for worst case scenarios and whats expected there 

I probably should ask about her being tested. She might get offended but I don't think exactly has the right to be offended given her past. We've had sex probably 6 or 7 times and we've used condoms everytime except once. 
The other night she had a panic attack and we just kinda stayed in bed there until she was fine but I'm sure that wont even be close to the "worst case scenario"

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+Urthor    10225

You're not an asshole if you're admitting you're not up for it.  Having a relationship because you feel guilty about not being up for it defeats the entire point.   Then it's just a pity party which nobody signed up for.  

 


That said, no reason not to do it within reasonable boundaries. 

 

 

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+Sophocles    3077

If it helps you make a decision, I once broke up with a girl because she had a nut allergy.

 

I'm an asshole but man cashews are good

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+scuzzlebutt    23495

is this the "should i hire a hot girl who knows nothing about the job or a regular looking nerd that does" guy

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2 minutes ago, mmf said:

is this the "should i hire a hot girl who knows nothing about the job or a regular looking nerd that does" guy

Yes lol how did u guess? http://duelistgroundz.com/index.php?/topic/171742-which-one-of-these-two-people-should-i-hire/

 

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Wumbologist    14204

don't forget this CarbonClassic™ 

 

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+scuzzlebutt    23495

just would like to point out to everyone that my post in this thread was on point as always ^

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+rei+    34657

that thread has a lot of fire and on point posts and a lot of cool people 

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+Malcolm    4606

if you listened to me you would have had your threesome but nooooooooo

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Carbon    1876
4 hours ago, mmf said:

is this the "should i hire a hot girl who knows nothing about the job or a regular looking nerd that does" guy

To be fair I hired the nerd guy and he fucking sucked and lost his job within a month.

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As a serious answer I tried this once but the thing is that relapses happen and it's really painful to both people involved. There has to be 100% inalienable trust in one another to pursue a relationship like this and it's very easy to break that trust at any given time. If you can't deal with both needing to trust her and the issues resulting from if (and honestly likely when in many cases) of her breaking that trust then it won't be possible.

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+Silver    1008

I think being lonely/horny is the strongest creator of illusion. I know from experience 

 

and agree with dick van dyke

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+Silver    1008

id like to add also that i also dated people who i knew i didnt have feelings for and used (not saying you carbon, but just in general).

 

it ends up bad for both parties, and you honestly feel worse because you feel like you cant date anybody within or above your league. 

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On 7/22/2018 at 5:59 AM, Sophocles said:

If it helps you make a decision, I once broke up with a girl because she had a nut allergy.

 

I'm an asshole but man cashews are good

So much potential wasted

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Carbon    1876

We were hanging out the other day and I ended up going to one of her group sessions with her (apparently once a week). I was just in the waiting room but fuck I didn’t like the vibe of that room or being there.

 

I think you guys might be right. It’s not that I don’t like her, but it’s just one hassle after another. It might be wrong of me but when hanging out with her sometimes I just think about this chick doing hard drugs and I don’t know if I can shake that. If I can’t give it 100% it’s not worth waiting my time or hers. 

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