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Carbon

Would you date a recovering addict?

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+rei+    34657

hey man nothing wrong with being honest with yourself / her. 

 

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Aaron    2028

ok so we have 2 elements here...

 

number 1 is you have a girl with baggage ongoing.  IMO.. the healthiest balance to this is understand you are both on 2 different separate journys. she has to learn to deal with her own shit... sure u can help her with her demons a bit by supporting her but you should no where ever be her "rock".. she should be her own rock. if you ever become that, then this relationship is just going to end horribly. 

 

number 2 is you have issues with people's pasts which you need to get over. firstly everyone makes mistakes and you shouldn't judge or dredge up their past. if you're too insecure and can't manage to see the person infront of you rather than the person they once were... dating is going to be hard for you.  its like dating an awesome girls who in the past has taken 30 dicks.. u just gotta let it go. 

 

 

 

 

talking about this situation specifically.. u describe her as "decently attractive".. i dont get the vibe you're in love with this girl or even remotely even interested deep down in falling in love with her. you are new to the town, don't have many friends and you've settled with this girl. if im wrong, then correct me.. but if this is the case, then shes going to suck out a lot of time and oppurtunity where you could be meeting MANY different types of people.. one of which maybe you will really like and see a future with. 

 

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Carbon    1876

I agree with your first statement. I wanted to be there for her, but couldn't be everything holding her together. She has to be strong enough to stand on her own.


#2 I definitely don't disagree with you. I do get hung up on people's past which I know isn't fair and completely hypocritical and appreciate you calling me out on it. I do need to work on that. That being said though, wouldn't you say there's SOME past mistakes that matter? Things like a girlfriend having a lot of partners/past marriages/baggage in general is fine and expected. I don't think I'm being obsessive/insecure because i'm worried about somebody who was addicted to hard drugs for being faithful/loyal or scared that they wont do the drugs again. Am I actually being insecure because I'm worried about that and not just cautious? It's not like she's been clean for 5 years or something. She's been clean for less than 200 days. If you think I'm just being insecure (Which I'm not arguing against. Simply asking) what kinds of issues would you say actually cause alarm when looking at someones past?

 

You sorta hit the nail on the head for the last part. I'm new to the town and don't have a lot of friends here so I found this girl and settled at the time. I don't think it's fair to say that I didn't love/interested in her though. I only knew her for a short period of time before posting this thread so of course I wasn't in love with her and I'd like to think that if I wasn't interested I wouldn't of made this thread to begin with, but I could be wrong about that part. 
We haven't completely ended things but we haven't actually started dating either. Right now we are friends who hang out occasionally. Not sure whats going to happen in the future but that's where its at currently. She's for sure sucked a lot of time and opportunity though so I'll give you that. 

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