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Aaron

limitations of a friendship with wives

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Aaron    2027

ok

im drunk

 

so basically my best friend is married and has a child. he knocked up his wife like 5 years ago accident, kept child, wifed it. kid is really beautiful and really nice. me and him work together. are VERY close, he phones me and i phone him all the time. we click on every level... humour, anime, gym. i genuinely want to see him better himself in life and progress. if i can find a quick scheme to earn £10k or something.. i will tell him. hes a brother to me. he moved to a new country to work at a job i basically got him. he went from earning £40k/yr to £100k with more family time and holidays thanks to me, when I could have easily told him nothing. 

 

im a bit of a playboy. ultra confident, never met them before. dated lots of beautiful women. sadly by mistake have sent him some nudes of them and the off few rude messages.  she has a shit impression of me as shes seen a few of these. hes recently started going out with me to bars on the weekend, been introduced to my friends when before he had ZERO social life. she doesnt. he doesnt want to invite her. 

 

for the first time i met her and the kid. loved the kid, tried to crack a joke or two with her but she was rly quiet. anyway told my mate his kid is beautiful and wife is nice but quiet.

 

turns out she bitched about me. tried to make jokes about my physically (god knows why, im 10% bodyfat, ripped and muscular, have fucking modelled and honestly just 10x more attractive than any guy she has got with imo). even called me lord farquad (prince from shrek) or something (despite me being above average height [hes 6'0 lol], ripped, muscular, but w/e).

 

 

 

 

Anyway, I've kind of come to terms with the fact that she hates me. I can't really be bothered to try and fight this. Hes one of my longest and best friends but i dont know where to go from here. I've held my tongue with him about her. The truth is she looks  fucking 40, shes overweight, shes someone I would not even have a one night stand with, she has no career prospects, shes not even a professional and without my friend she'd be on benefits or in some low-class job/state of living. thats the simple truth. i have mentioned none of this to him because i respect him, i am the god father to his child so disrespecting her by saying this openly would be mad.. The fact she has GONE out of her way to try and nitpick to me to find ANYTHING wrong to me screams someone trying to assassinate my character. 

 

anyway we had a small chat about this and he seemed a bit peeved about how she was acting. he said he'd side with me as this whole shit screams red flags. i said no, you side with whatever is best for ur child which is NOT me but siding with her. he said no, no matter what he will side with me because shes the one being a cunt. i reiterated i will stop talking to him if shit ever got that remotely serious because his child matters the most. 

 

 

so... im kinda in a catch 22 situation. has anyone been in a similar situation?

 

on one hand, hes my best friend, hes like a brother to me.

on the other hand, i cant be fucking bothered dealing with trash bullshit like this. i've worked hard to get where i am, to look like what i do and to do what i do. sure these fat fucks think a six pack comes naturally to me but it doesn't.. it was months and months of dieting and hard work. even now i come home at fucking 8PM from the work +gym. similarly money I work LONG hours and take A LOT Of responsbility to earn the money I do! the last thing i need in my life is a hater trying to put me down, especially one placed so awkwardly that me smacking her back to earth will result in me looking like an evil cunt. im either being the bigger person forever (which i cant be fucking bothered to be)... or just telling her to fuck off. 

 

 

 

 

i feel like i have 3 options

1. talk to him, and chat to her and resolve everything - given how much of a cunt shes been from one meeting, i dont feel like i can do this, it just seems like its making a mountain out of a mole hill and will result in nothing

2. continue to be friends with him - let him deal with the strain on his relationship; i feel like this is unfair on him  and ultimately very poisonous 

3. slowly break contact with him, distance myself from him 

 

 

i feel like option 3 is probably the saddest but probably smartest. i honestly thought and think we'll be friends forever, like brothers, but this woman seems poisonous. she seems out to get me and i'll be honest, i can't deal with poisonous people at this point in time. a few years ago i'd relish the challenge and drama but im too old now... work is stressful enough, im trying to find someone i love and connect with and having any negative energy in my life just seems so ... unnecccesary. im trying to feed the poor, be a better person, do more charity work along with being a doctor... and this seems to be a big ball of negativity which i feel wont shift. 

 

 

 

its annoying because my other best friend has a girlfriend who also knows what im like. she on the otherhand admits im a playboy, bit of a dick, but would fuck me if she was single lol...  like its just that refreshing nice honesty of mutual respect.. she understands where i am with my life, understands that im single, doesn't feel totally comfortable with it but still respects me so as i respect her (shes a fellow doctor, beautiful, nice, caring, classy, but a bitch when she drunks... but overall amazing). I support her as she supports me and I can honestly chill with her the whole day without any negative energy. It just seems like a nice flowing friendship. 

 

 

have u guys been in any situations like this?

 

i feel like my friendship with him is sadly doomed to just become shit and ultimately deteriorate. right now we are like JD and turk from scrubs which is sad for how close we are. i just feel like its better i move on with my life, he moves on with his because i can honestly see him having a lot of friction and arguments with her over this. 

 

also im quite a fair person. i am nice, respectful and try to do best by people. if they asked me tommorow for £20,000 or something, i would give it them. im that kind of person with people i love/respect, but given how much of  a cunt she is, i feel like i should just eject and put that energy and commitment into people that i can mutually respect more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

i know this is a massive TLDR but its such a tough situation. i have someone i could literally verbally break down and make feel like utter shit, but i'd never do it because its wrong and to top it off, its someone my best friend loves and is the mother of his child (my god child). at the same time, just because i have a fucking sick life on the outside (money/gym/work/girls) doesn't mean i don't take offence or feel these hateful comments on the inside. Honestly, as confident as I am.. yes it still is fucking annoying given I dont ask for others opinions when they hate on me. 

 

i honestly feel like telling him to take me off being god father as its to hard to be a god father to a child whom the mother hates you, and to slowly cut off contact with him so that him and his wife can at least try to build a stronger relationship. is that a bit extreme? 

 

 

 

 

 

_________

in school or uni, this shit is so simple to fix. but with kids and wives and all that involved... combined with age profiles and ppls aspirations, i just feel like these issues are impossible to solve and its easier to just say move on. 

 

Edited by Aaron

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+rei+    34657

been in a very similar situation actually.

 

Keep hanging out with your friend, his wife will continue to become more crazy but you just be a 'good guy' and keep heading into situations where you might be around her. Play it off like you've got no beef and shes being crazy (but only call out shit that happens while you're there). They'll divorce eventually (and sooner than you think)

 

 

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Aaron    2027
23 minutes ago, rei said:

been in a very similar situation actually.

 

Keep hanging out with your friend, his wife will continue to become more crazy but you just be a 'good guy' and keep heading into situations where you might be around her. Play it off like you've got no beef and shes being crazy (but only call out shit that happens while you're there). They'll divorce eventually (and sooner than you think)

 

 

 

 

sadly i  think this is the best solution. basically just worry about number one.

 

i reflected on this in the morning and basically my general conclusion is: its not my wife, its not my kid, its not my family. therefore i shouldn't have ANY mental drain or negativity from this

 

 

so yea im just going to do what you've basically said. it just feels really annoying being the consistent good guy when someone else is being a massive cunt.

 

sadly i think i am very close to telling him that she looks like the female shrek, that even with weight lost shes a solid 6/10 max and i would not fuck her on a night out and would never date her. im not sure if this is too far or not. my friend is VERY honest, and very happy to always give his opinion on ANY girl someone dates or any girl he sees on the street, being extremely hyper-critical, so i feel like when soemone is THAT honest with other people, they invite honesty. 

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+Urthor    10224

It seems completely crazy to cut off a friendship with him just because of his wife. 

 

If worst just comes to worse like, be his friend, avoid all social engagements with the wife ever, and if that massively reduces your time with the dude so be it, but you are not "done forever" because of this woman who you may or may not meet socially.  If he is inseparable with her and takes her everywhere alright, I guess you can't see him that often, but guy friendships are still real friendships even if you hang out *once every two years*.   It's just part of being a dude when you see someone you haven't contacted for 10 years and you act like best buddies. 

 

I think that's the absolute worst case scenario.  I think the idea that you intentionally blow up your friendship and make him hate your guts because you want to keep his marriage together because his wife hates you because you want him to be with his child is a completely crazy thing you should absolutely never do because it will change nothing about his marriage, at all. 

 

If the woman hates you just don't be in the same room as the woman, ever, and let his family life play out.

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Aaron    2027

yea ur right.. just keep the friendship, avoid the bitch.

 

altho i still think im gonna pull him up for the state of his wife if he keeps having digs at EVERY girl in the world. 

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Soul    7942

barely read this wall but doesn't seem like a normal dynamic to have. seems like a pretty one sided narrative too. also don't know why im posting here.

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