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»Poet    1

A search for something new

Something to validate this life, this struggle

Running through life, one day at a time

Run boy run, like there's something for you tomorrow

A whispered promise, driven only by faith

Faith in something after all of this

In some universal being, a higher power

As expansive and breath taking as a skyscraper, a tower

One that can be broken down with but a touch

Just another promise mixed into such a short life

Another belief shot down by reasoning

The only thing to remain constant

The constant failure

So keep running boy, run towards tomorrow

Filled with lies

Rough draft. Prefer a critique

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D'Haiti    4

it's a really abstract flow, to me at least, so i'm not gonna touch that but i have 2 issues with it.

1) constant failure over the constant failure

2) i don't get why you made the skyscraper line so long, nor do i like that it's so long, and then proceed to rhyme.

besides that looks fine.

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»Pharaoh Atem    15769

My dear Haitian made good points.

I feel that the last line throws it off a tiny bit for me as is, though.

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D'Haiti    4

yeah i didnt get that either

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